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writes: I have been disabled and unable to work for 6 years. My wife left me 2 weeks ago, after a bad patch that started at Christmas. We've been married for 13 years and went through a similar patch 2 years ago but didn't leave. It lasted 6 months then snapped back right again. Both times it was sudden. I thought we were happy. She says she loves me but needs time and space to find out her feelings. Trouble is, we have two sons, 10 & 14, and the 14 year old wants to stay with me, the 10 year old with her. It's not good for them being apart. What should I do to sort it with her and get her back???
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reader, madam treudeau +, writes (11 April 2005):
Maybe you should re-compose your thoughts as well. Where were you six years ago when you were working? Life with her was a bit more pleasant, right? You had a job, money coming in to pay the needed bills, rent, and other expenses. Have you ever given thought to seeking employment for the physically challenged? There are lots of training centers around to help you get re-adjusted and able to do minimal amounts of various different types of employable work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2005): If your disability resulted in you staying home all the time, it would be important to look at YOUR lifestyle and how it might be affecting her. What is the extent of your disability? Is it physical, emotional or a combination? Do you lay around all day, or are you active? Have you in someway changed in terms of your energy level, your confidence, your motivation, etc.? If you have significantly changed from the man she knew, she may need to reevaluate things, and be able to adapt to your circumstances while still being in love. But Couples need innovation. Perhaps your lack of working has made you a rather draining person to be around (said with respect and no offense please). What do you have to talk about, to focus on, or to get excited about? If you are in the home every minute of the day, she is unable to find time to reconnect with her own self, in her own home. That is one of the most difficult and frustrating things to deal with. And, if you tend to be lazy and/or depressing, it may make it unbearable for her. Why not try to develop your own interests, such as a computer based business (create a website and offer a service)? Or you can take up a hobby out of the home. If transportation is difficult, there must be agencies in your area who can assist you in getting out. Your current lifestyle with your family may not have been a part of your wife's dreams and ideals. It will be up to the both of you to recreate those ideals, and then find ways to achieve them. Perhaps couples counseling will help sort things out. And if you know that you have significantly changed or become overly needy, then maybe you could benefit from individual therapy. Overall please remember that Disability does not mean inability.....I wish you courage, creativity, and committment. Good Luck.
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