| A ,
*isat
writes: I started going out with this man from work last February. I knew that he was living with another woman with whom he was not married and that they had a son together but they were no longer living as a couple as they could not get along or communicate. He had gotten her pregnant when he was 23 (he is now almost 30)and she 26 and she refused to have an abortion. He had come on to me previously but I had turned him down as I did not want to get involved even though I was attracted to him. Everything started at a company party.We left together and we kissed. I thought that it would end there but it did not and I thought 'what the hell'.We were fine, having a normal relationship (she knew he was seeing someone else) until October when he started going weird on me, disappearing, not answering my calls. I asked him to take the things he had at my house but I had to actually curse him in order for him to do so. He came and told me that he was not sure he wanted another relationship, or kids in the future, that he had not decided what to do, that he had financial problems (she did not work or had any inclination to) etc.etc.We broke up before Christmas even though I love him and was heartbroken and had no contact until early February when he came one night at 5 in the morning,drunk, to tell me that he was thinking about me all the time,worrying about me and if I am all right, and that if his life had been different he would have loved to be with me and spend time with me but at this point he did not want any relationships.I was very calm and cool about the whole thing and we ended up in bed. Unfortunately I got pregnant and of course when I told him he told me that it was not the right time for something like this, that he wanted no part in it if I decided to keep it, that he would be there for me during the abortion, that he had ruined his life once before in a similar situation and he would not be able to go through it again and to forget him for ever if I kept it. I went back home and decided to have the abortion because I believe that a baby has the right to have two parents who love it and want it. I called him to tell him about my decision and he told me to call him when I returned. I messaged him when it was all over. He did not even call to see how I was but sent me a message the next day with wishes for my nameday. Since then nothing. I am back in town but have not contacted him. Unfortunately even though all this has happened I still love him. What can I do?
View related questions:
abortion, broke up, christmas, heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (9 April 2005):
 This guy has shown his true colours again and again, and, hon, he's not worth feeding.Just to reiterate his past: He cheated on a woman he was living with. After you'd been with him for months, by your own account, he went "weird" and stopped answering your calls. You had to force him to get things out of your house, then he disappeared again. Then, months later, he comes back. Drunk. He was responsible for two pregnancies and he fled from both. He wasn't even there to support you when you had the abortion that he wanted you to have.To get over him, ask yourself: Why do you love him? What does he give you that you couldn't get from some homeless crazy at the bus station? Then remind yourself: He's narcissistic and immature. He cheats on the women he loves. He doesn't seem to do anything for you, except sex. On his terms. When he feels like it. Without contraception.Nice guy.He's already out of the picture, so you don't even need to dump him. Just stop looking for him, and when he (inevitably) shows up, drunk and looking for a root, don't open the door. He wasn't there for you - and you, my dear, should not be there for him.You deserve to love someone who supports you and wants to be with you. Not like this guy. His life's a wreck, and if you stick around with him, your life will be a wreck in short order, too.Be strong and resist his, uh... charms.
|
