A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my bf and I had been together for quite some time. First, we were long distance, then I moved in with him about 2 years ago. When I first moved in I didn't have any friends or family. I still don't have any family here, but I manage to find friends from work. But there is a problem, my bf does not like me to hang out with them because my girlfriend is single and my two other friends are gay. He says that they are trying to hook up with other people; but that is not what we do when we go out, we just talk, mostly about work anyways, and nothing else. He says that I am acting like a single girl, going out and getting drunk. But that is not true; besides he is working what am i suppose to do stay home and do nothing. He wants me to go to work with him, and just accompany him; seriously, what the heck am I going to do there? I am bored and lonely, and the moment I find someone to hang out with while he is at work, he is upset and angry. I don't know what to tell him. I am not doing anything wrong. I feel like he is judging me all the time. Yes, I have a lot of gay friends; I don't know why but I do. I like to have gay friends, they are funny and nonjudgmental. Also, at gay bars nobody tries to hook up with me.I don't want to be with a controlling freak who finds friends for me at his convenience and never accept mine own friends. I don't want to be with him anymore, how do I get out, I don't know how. We've been together for almost 10 years, I am 33 years old with no kids, how do I start again... this is madness... Should I fix it or break it off...???.. Help
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at work, drunk, long distance, moved in Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): Hey, I just got out of your position, I too was in a controlling and abusive relationship. Mine was to a greater extent than yours but it's all he same really. I'm 21. And I got out because in 10 years time, I didn't want to be starting my life over again. Wed been together 3 years, and it was hard. So after 10 years it will be harder. But the advantage you have is still having a close network of friends. My partner had isolated me from pretty much everyone. At first you'll miss him, but don't go back. You leaving will only be an excuse for him to control you further.
Have a will of iron and don't contact him. Gain independence in all areas of your life.
When I walked out it was hard. I almost turned back. I cried all the way to my new flat, which I had saved up my wages for and rented all by myself.
I cried for months. And on top of missing him I felt incapable of doing the smallest things by myself. I was so used to him being there. Telling me what to do. Now I was on my own.
Once I'd gotten over the fear of doing things on my own, I began to feel more confident. I could do this and I could be in charge of my own life. And who the hell had the right to try and take that from me?!
Leaving was the best thing iv ever done. Yes sometimes I miss the security of a long term relationship. But I don't miss him. Now I'm out of that it's easier to see everything for what it really was.
If you feel you want out, my advice is be brave and make a fresh start before its too late. Otherwise you'll be stuck with this guy and you'll never ever be fully in control of your life again.
Can you imagine him tellin you in front of your kids where you can and cannot go???
Only you know what to do. I hope my experience helped though. One of the things which held me back was fear, that I'd never feel happy again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): Break it off.Save a bit of cash, wait till he's at work, pack and leave, I don't think he will make it easy if you don't do it this way. Leave him a letter. Go back home to your family if you have to, but don't stay.
You can't live like this
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A
female
reader, theresag  +, writes (24 July 2011):
Get out now dont waste a moment longer.Seriously why would you go to work and when you are off work go to his work.What kind of life is that.Thank goodness you havent had children with him.All the best.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (24 July 2011):
 Leave this guy. Just tell him its over. It's only going to get worse if you stay with him. He has no trust in you and he never will, so leave. You're allowed to have your own friends and any man who comes into your life trying to get you to drop them is not worth being with. Find someone who allows you to have a life. Hope I helped.
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