A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and I'm completely confused as to what to do. I have no doubt that we completely loves me and wants to have a future with me, but he is unemployed and has been since I started going out with him. He has many issues like bipolar, depression, and more serious things like black outs. I've never experienced one of his black outs, but they are real without a doubt.Things have been going perfectly fine aside from me financially supporting him. When I first started going out with him it seemed like he a motivated person that actually wanted to work and save up for us to live together/be together. So I didn't mind paying for something every now and then, it wasn't a big deal.But every time I saw him, money was spent on both of us. I now pay for everything, even for rent and food for when I'm gone. I have no doubt at all that he truly loves me, but what can I do? His mother and father both are extremely upset with how he has become and even my boyfriend is upset about it.I've talked to him about this and all that happens is he gets depressed because he thinks I will leave him. He tells me that his medical conditions are getting worse and that he needs help, but he hasn't tried to get help. His mental health problems are legit, but I'm scared that he's using it as an excuse as to why he is so lazy and doesn't apply for jobs all day.He says he thinks he will not be worth anything and that he's making me cry and be upset... he sees what he's doing but I haven't seen any attempt to change it. I do not want to leave him at all, but I know that if he doesn't change it's inevitable. What can I say? I've made it clear that what he's doing is pushing me away. This isn't about trust, it's about feeling financially and emotionally drained. If I don't pay for his food, he will go hungry, if I don't pay for rent, he will have no home.I'm not his mother, but I love him and don't want to see him like that. And I'm sure that he isn't using me for money. I've talked to his mother and she feels the same way, and says that the worst case scenario is approaching where he will have to join the military to get any sort of career or future. But he doesn't even think he will survive boot camp, strangers and people he doesn't want being all in his face and yelling at him sets off his black outs. He thinks he will just snap and go crazy if he joins.I knew exactly what I was getting into when I first started dating him as far as black outs, depression, and bipolar went. I knew about all these things and it would be better if he had a job. But all of it combined.... What CAN I do aside from leaving him?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Have one last talk with him. Tell him that this cannot go on forever and you cannot support and provide for him for eternity.It was ok for a while, but now he has to get over his problems, seek help, and get a job. Self pity never helped anyone. He's got a problem, no doubts about that; he's just making it worse by completely giving up without a fight.
If he still doesn't change, then there's nothing else that you can do, except leave him. You've done enough.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): There is nothing else to do, but leave him. And I don't think Denise was talking about your age, its just about your youth. Do you really want to live your life like this? he is using you and there is nothing else to do, but leave him. Sorry, but that's the truth of it and it sucks, but that's the way it is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): This is the poster. I am out of high school with a GED and am working. My age has nothing to do with this, I'd like to make that clear. This is not about my age.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 May 2011):
 I'm sorry, but he IS using you for money.
Look: you are not and cannot be responsible for his welfare.
As long as he thinks he has a "crutch" with you he's not going to be motivated to take the steps he needs to in order to deal with his admittedly serious problems.
I don't mean to sound hard-hearted but the best thing you can do for him is to LEAVE him. As in COMPLETELY leave him.
He will either have to sink or swim. Perhaps he will find the motivation to seek help.
YOU need to look after yourself and not let this situation drag you down, you know. You're too young to get tied up with someone like him anyway, no matter how fond of him you happen to be.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2011):
 I don't see any way to improve this situation other then leaving him. Is this really how you see your life? your future? taking care of a grown ass man? If he doesn't want to help himself there really isn't much you can do.
As for him joining the military? I don't see it happening, not with him being bipolar, suffering from depression and so forth, these are things he should NOT lie about to get in. And with his condition I don't see him "surviving" the military environment, let alone boot camp.
You might have to start realizing that you can't "cure""fix" everything with love :( unfortunately.
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