A
female
age
36-40,
*oesta
writes:Dear Help,In May i came out of a 5 year relationship because he takes drugs i tried to make it work but it didn't no matter how hard i tried. When we finished i swore i would never get serious with anyone again. Then i met this lad he has everything i want and things are perfect except he has a bad temper and can snap after the slightest thing. He is very paranoid and thinks sick things about me. I know he loves me his ex has made him insecure as she cheated but i told him i am not her and i love him very much, please help i don't want to brake up with him as he is amazing but i know if this continues i willl have no choice.xxx
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drugs, his ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): As a male, I can say the following and probably be right, having been in similar situations as him.He's been hurt, badly. Of course he's paranoid. I've recently been hurt (More than once in very rapid succession, no less), and I feel like there's no woman in the world who can love me, and it definitely seems that way to me.So, what you have to do with your guy, is fix the root of the problem. Prove you're loyal and worthwhile and such, because he'll need that kind of stuff.Agree with him alot on some stuff, as well. When I'm feeling horrible, I often say or do crazy things for attention, but it's really to see if anyone actually cares enough to try to help. SO HELP HIM. Not helping him will just fuel the paranoia, and trust me, he's on the path to getting to a point where he will never be able to trust again.Like I said, I know from experience. Every time my heart gets broken, it adds a little bit more to the idea in my mind that love actually doesn't exist. Eventually, he -will- lose the ability to trust anyone. If you don't work to stop that now, the rest of his life will be a living Hell.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (11 January 2008):
Hmmm well it depends what you mean by 'anger'...can you give me any examples of how bad his anger gets? what sorts of things does he say/do?
I bet he is a bully or an abuser...if this is correct, then I dont think you should stay with him at all. Despite however much love you have for him, there needs to be respect from you to him, and from him to you, and he isnt giving you respect with his anger and 'bad temper' as you call it.
There is noway for you to make him give you respect and to treat you better and to deal wiht his anger- he has to do it himself. BUT you do have some control in whether or not you allow yourself to stay in such a toxic situation.
In my opinion, a person with anger issues, or who is a bully or an abuser (all have many similar characteristics), they need professional help for them to be able to change. So unless he is willing to seek help with a counsellor, I think it is in your best interest to leave him.
Realise that you deserve 100% respect. If you arent geting that, then your relationship isnt healthy and despite how much you lvoe and care for him, it does tkae more then love to make a relationship work. He needs to sort out his anger issues before even being in a relationship I think.
So the key points here are that- you cant help him, he needs professional help and you deserve respect- dont tollerate anything less.
If I was you, i would take a break from him and tell him that he needs to seek professioanl help before you will even consider geitng back with him.
Hope this has helped.
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A
female
reader, frizzylizzy  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Hey there, Im in exactly the same kind of relationship. I have had to sit him down and explain to him how im feeling about the situation.. Talk to him, tell him he's making you unhappy.. If he is unwilling to listen, you should write him a letter getting all your feelings out at once, leave it somewhere he will find it.. but state in the letter that unless things change you will have to go your seperate ways. This will give him a chance to think about what hes doing especially if its written down in black and white..
I have done this before and believe me it does work.. He's bullying you at the moment and it has to stop..
If he is unwilling to change will maybe you are better off out of the relationship, there are alot of nice gus out there..
Good luck girl, I hope it goes well
x
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 He needs to learn anger management and you need to know what causes his anger and not to press those ballistic buttons. To keep quiet when his volcano explodes.
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