A
female
age
41-50,
*errysmistress
writes:I recently accepted the offer of my boss, to be his Girlfriend/mistress. He is separated with 3 kids living with his wife and family.I'm married, with an understanding husband and a 3 year old daughter. We hooked up 2 only and 1 to 2 hours only each time. Our relationship has just started as I'm writing this, just around 15 days. He is a very busy guy and is workaholic. I'm afraid to end up hurting people I love the most, afraid to end up hurt when my boss decides he doesn't want the relationship anymore (he said he hoped it will last a lifetime) and afraid that if things didn't work out, I'll be too hurt and surely I will move jobs (I like my job, it's currently a high paying job). I don't know if my boss will fall in love with me? (it will work to my advantage if he did) and I'm afraid to fall in love with him (as of now, I starting to have feelings of attachment to him). Help.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Why did you accept this offer? What is in it for you?
You say your husband is understanding. Is he understanding enough to that he approves of this little something on the side with the boss?
Personally I have no problem with extra marital flings as long as both partners in the marriage are ok with it and the extra marital partner is aware they are just a bit on the side.
but again it's your boss. you should not take the risk if it doesn't work out you would lose your job no?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): @anon e mouse... The culture of the Philippines is very geared towards male dominance. The women are really viewed as sex objects. It is very difficult for a westerner to understand the pressures a young Filipino woman endures. It is an impoverished island nation. Young girls are very susceptible to cultural influences regarding sex. They are also taught to be passive.
I am American my wife is a Filipina. I have seen this first hand and it is a sad sight to behold. As a westerner this was a big culture shock.
I believe you advice is correct but not your tone.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 I feel sorry for your kids to be honest. When this ends it is going to be very hurtful to all concerned... Your husband and your 3 kids and the other guys wife and their kids.
You are a selfish woman indeed.
"I don't know if my boss will fall in love with me? (it will work to my advantage if he did)"
Wow! What a lovely person you are.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (14 January 2013):
No it won't work. You're husband will know somethings up and it'll be painful maybe even turn nasty.
You shouldn't even be married if you're going to do something like this. You have no respect for your husband, no integrity and you are not trustworthy. Why the hell did you get married? Let me guess... Money?
If you were a man and having an affair with the secretary people would be saying HANG HIM!
Go get some self-respect and knock this stupid fantasy on the head. Or... Do your husband a favour and leave him if you'd rather muck about.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (14 January 2013):
Are you doing this for promotion/financial gain? Why on earth are you doing it? If your marriage is ok you are risking everything to keep the boss happy.
I think you should end it now before it gets discovered.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (14 January 2013):
So, you both are married and have children, and you want to know if this will "work."
Yes, it will work at hurting your husband, devastating your children, ruining your career, and doing the same thing to him.
Other than this, its really an awesome idea....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Well this decision isn't a wise move if you're afraid to fall in love and also hurt the people you love the most in your life.
This will be an "affair" and the majority of affairs in my view are just a bit of fun on the side of a persons existing commitment, and they don't last for a lifetime. You ask if this will work, well I'm sure that it will for as long as it lasts, but as I said, I wouldn't expect it to last forever and things will become complicated when that dreaded day arrives that this has to end, but one of you are in to deep emotionally and someone gets hurt.
Also, I hope you're a very good actor or a good liar, because your husband will notice a change in your behaviour towards him, and in the home/family environment in general, and start asking questions. Even though you said he's an understanding person, I don't think he would much care to understand and give you the benefit of the doubt when he finds out that you've been having an affair, it will tear a family home apart. Your husband is an adult, he would get over this, you're an adult also, you too will get over this, a new job, you can find another. But imagine the affect this will have on your 3 year old innocent daughter more than anything, who needs/thinks she is being brought up in a perfectly loving and stable family...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): I would stop this nonsense in its tracks.I happen to live in the Philippines part time with my wife. I understand the great pressures on very young beautiful Filipina women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Okay first off - you are about to embark on an affair which is going to RUIN the lives of your husband and child. You say you have an 'understanding' husband I am sure his understanding does not extend to his wife having an affair to the detriment of his marriage.If this relationship is what you really want, ask your boss to file for divorce, you file for divorce and then both of you can get together after divorce is granted.Stop justifying your cheating.
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