A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't stop comparing myself to my girl friend's ex. My girl friend went out with a guy from when she was 16 to 18 and I started going out with her from 19 to now and she is 22. My problem is that her ex is extremely good looking and I can't help but think she still thinks about him or has feelings for him. I have always had a lot of attention from girls but this guy was an U19 england football player and spends his life in the gym, on the tan beds or shopping for new clothes. I work very hard with my work as I have had several promotions but as I work as a nationwide salesman I am not in great shape anymore eating fast food and I never have time for a hair cut etc at the minute. What makes it worse is that she lost her virginity to him and I know that would mean a lot to her as she has only ever been with 2 men. When we first started going out she had a lot of memories from their relationship which I didn't mind as I had similar. After a year or so I asked her to get rid of it as I said her previous relationship bothered me because I was friends with her ex and didn't want any reminders of her ex, and she said she would. Recently I found all of her old memories hidden in a shoe box when trying to find some shoes for her. I clearly told her how much it got to me and she promised she had got rid of it, but instead she had kept it all. Over the years she has always been friendly with him and whenever we break up she will talk to him in front of me in clubs or on face book etc, but says she is just trying to get to me so i try to get back with her. Now I have found this box it makes it so much worse for me to deal with and am certain that she must still think about him. The situation has got so bad in my own head now that I can't be normal with her anymore and i flip out about anything to do with him or their history. I walked out of her house the other day because her mum mentioned something about him. My dilema is that I love her so much but whilst I am with her I have this to deal with constantly in my head. I know I could easily get some one else and never have this worry ever again but I don't want to make a mistake. Do you think I should throw away an otherwise good relationship over this or do you think that it will eventually end in disaster as I am starting to think.
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male
reader, rproctor  +, writes (21 April 2008):
Hey, I recently went through something somewhat similar to you... What you are dealing with is Jealousy.
First let me say that looks are not important. Do not compare yourself by looks... In fact, do not compare yourself to him period. You have to realize that she is with you now, and not with him! She is your girl friend, and she obviously must like you and want to be with you if she is.
Do not let your jealousy get into the way of the relationship, or you will destroy the relationship... Because he looks better than you is no reason to let that bother you. Looks are so meaningless, and can easily be overcome by personality and happiness. Making your girl laugh once a day is 100 times better than a six pack... Understand?
As far as the shoe box, that would bother me as well. However, you know she probably keeps it because it is something that, even though she is over, does not want to forget. Would it really bother you if she kept the shoe box but never looked in it? Forcing her to throw away her memories could cause trust issues for her, and possibly make her second guess you.
My advice to you, would be to stop worrying about not being up to par with your gf, and instead focus on making the relationship as great as possible. If you are worried about her possibly thinking about her x, then instead of worrying about it, you should fix it by giving her better, more intense memories of you and her.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 I think that you need to get a grip on yourself. This type of negative thinking is going to cause your relationship to end more than all of the other things that you are worrying about.
Women keep photos and momentos from their past! It's something that we do, but they are just souvenirs! Whether or not she has kept trinkets about her past history, it doesn't mean that she wants him back! She probably also has her old report cards and her Girl Guide badges too. He is always going to be her PAST history, trinkets or no trinkets, and you need to realize that if she kept them, it's not an indication that she is still in love with him. She kept them because they belong to her and they are her "Past", and you had absolutely NO right to tell her what to do with her own personal possessions. This kind of jealous, controlling thinking is going to do more to make you lose her than a box of old junk could ever do. INGORE IT and concentrate on making her happy instead. You certainly aren't even making yourself happy right now! I sincerely doubt that any girl would go out with a guy for three years if she wasn't in love - With YOU! I'm ALSO quite sure that she likes your looks just fine and that he is her EX for a good reason!
You wouldn't ask her to get rid of any other part of her past, would you? You can't! You can't rewrite history, So wouldn't it be better to concentrate on your future instead?
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