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female
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*ngeleyes73004
writes: well my daughters father cheated on me had a baby with another woman. I despise this baby every time i look at her i cringe i want my daughter to know her lil sister but i know i will never accept her and i fear i will always treat her different which is not fair to the baby i know she didnt do anyhthing wrong will this feling of hatred toward this baby ever go away?should i try to raise her as my daughter sister? i dont want to be unfair to her but i fear my feelings r hurt beyond repair aand ill take it out on her it been 2 months since i found out and i still hate this child
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female
reader, Jinxes +, writes (27 November 2006):
My situation is that I divorced my husband after he left w/no contact for 6 mos. After the divorce I met someone else who i was w/ for 3 mos. I ended up pregnant. Things didn't work out w/ the beau and my ex wanted me back knowing about the pregnancy. Things were okay at first. we went to counseling. After my baby was born my ex left 3 weeks later and drinks alot. He couldn't handle the situation. My ex said he felt betrayed and hurt because i was w/ someone else and had his baby. He says i shouldv'e known we would get back together. About 2 mos. after he left he contacted me. He had been drinking and ended up verbally and physically abusing me. He also did this in front of our 2 yr. old daughter. For now I think u need to stay away from the baby since you feel hatred toward her. Work on yourself with counseling. Be with your daughter. Maybe spend a little time apart from your husband. let him know he needs to be supportive of you. It is like going back to basics. enjoy your daughter. then your husband and family. it will take time. The baby is innocent. for right now she is a reminder of your husbands infidelity. I think u need to be honest and up front w/ the mother of the baby and tell her how u feel or somehow get the message to her, that u do want the girls to have a relationship w/ each other. u just need time to cope. I think it is powerful that you have it in your heart to want your daughter to know her sister and the willingness to learn to accept her. It will take time. I believe that the love u have for each other can and will make u stonger as a couple and family.
You are in my prayers....
A
female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (24 November 2006):
 Hi there Angel Eyes,
I really feel for you.
You say you know that the baby did nothing wrong. Hold on to that thought - that is a piece of sanity - keep hanging on to it.
When parents treat each other badly, the very worst thing you can do is to take it out on the children involved.
But you know all this... you know that you don't want to be directing your hatred at this innocent, little girl So the question is how to get rid of it and turn it into something positive. I agree with the advice to get counselling.
I appreciate that you have been very badly hurt and you are struggling to deal with strong feelings. I don't think two months is a very long time at all. So don't be so too harsh on yourself - you are doing the right thing by thinking this through instead of just ignoring it.
Just imagine your daughter growing up and coming to resent you for how you have treated her sister. She wont take "it was because of Dad" as a good excuse, will she? She'll see right away how innocent her sister has always been in this. Keep telling yourself what is logical.
Hatred is awful even when its justified. Get some help to figure out how to redirect these feelings so that you can be warm, welcoming and loving to this child.
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): Just know you are handling this the wrong way. This baby is innocent. This baby didn't have say or the power to choose to go to a home where two parents love one another in bonds of marriage.
This baby has no ill feelings for anyone; not one. The baby is perfect and innocent. The baby's father is another matter. That is where your REAL anger stems from.
Go to a counsellor for yourself. Then seek couple's counselling.
Then work on forgiving your Husband.
This sort of betrayal of trust will take years to repair and Hubsand has to work ten times harder to gain your full trust and faith in him back.
You both cannot do this on your own. Seek out the proper sources that want you both to overcome this difficult time in your lives.
Work together. Mourn together. Anger together. Heal together. Love and forgive one another constantly.
You hate what the baby unknowingly represents. INFIDELITY.
That Baby is now a part of you and your husbands lives til the day you die. That it is not yours and brought into this world of your womb which is ONLY YOUR SOLE RIGHT is what you hurt and anger over.
I say, hold the baby. See the baby as innocent as it is. Realize that this new child has a hard road ahead. This child is your a part of your daughters world too. Don't teach your daughter to hate and resent another, no matter what reasons you may feel are justified.
It is your Husband who stepped out of his marriage; who put his own personal and selfish, lustful needs before your marriage and your love and commitment NOT THE BABY.
I feel for you, your daughter, and the baby. All three of you are the INNOCENT parties in this whole mess.
Hopefully Husband is remorseful and has learned from this decision and will not commit this wrong ever again.
Work together. It can be mended. You both will come out stronger from this if you both choose to endure together.
Best wishes.
*hugs*
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