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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, everyone,I have been in relationship with my partner for 2 years. I have to say, from the first few months of knowing her I felt that we might not be right for each other, as I started to read some signs which wasn't feeling right!, but I kept saying to myself no one is perfect, and these things will change so I gave her a chance and put up with it. The fundamental problem was that she could only see herself and her carrier, it was like my needs, my feelings, my carrier even my love for her had to be sacrificed for her no matter what!!. I always believed in sharing, caring, loving and doing things for each other and together, but she believed in money, making money, and her job only and everything else was secondary!!.She could never accept she is wrong, and she had a very low and bad temper, which as a result we could not communicate effectively, she could not ever listen to me, but only could shout and force her arguments to me. I could not tolerate that anymore.Things went from bad to worse, and I had enough of all her endless demands and her selfishness, and her attitude and we got separated recently.I dedicate my love, my life, and feelings, to her with so much genuine and emotional feeling for two years, and I find it hard now to understanding why and how I got myself involve in this, ? and why I put up with it?. I have a mix feeling, of blaming myself of why I didn’t cut this relationship long time ago? I feel emotionally hurt, as I first fall in love with her, and then she showed me her other sides!!! I find it hard to believe that someone can be such a two face, as the first few month she was totally different person to whom she turned up to be.I know we possibly wouldn’t have a any future together, I know that it was a mistake, may be my mistake of staying with her, but I kept my promise to her,to stay with her, and that was important for me to keep that promise, that was my honor. (but I paying for it now)I find it hard to fight all these feelings inside of me, on the other hand I am thinking if she really and truly loved me she wouldn’t have moved on like this so quick. She told me once she is very cold hearted, and she was kind of saying it as she is so proud of it!!, I ignored that comment at the time, but now I know very well what she meant. She has done this before to many others, using them and leaving them. I was no longer serving the purpose for her. Now I just want a way to get her out of my system and forget her, and move on, but my love for her was so strong, I open my heart to her without any protection, without any intention but love, but that is what you are suppose to do, when you are in love, don’t you?. But feeling wise I find it hard to cope with it! I know may be the time will be a healer but I have nightmares at night, about the whole things! , what can I do? Please adviceThanks very much for your time
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Sometimes the feeling that since she moved on and doesnt seem to care makes it so much worse. You gave her love and cared about her, and she moves on so quickly. She was different in the beginning because it was the beginning. Would you have kept her around knowing how she was later on the first few months in? I doubt it. She showed her true colors once you fell for her. You fell in love, that is why you put up with her bs. However, you were able to say enough is enough and end it, so you have nothing to blame yourself for. Love is blind deaf and dumb. Clearly you know you can do better. I think the part that bothers you the most is that you feel she didnt love you in return and used you. That may be the reason you are having nightmares and are not over it. It hurts. I agree you are supposed to be exactly how you were when in love. You have nothing to regret. You gave your everything and it didnt work out. My advice is just to realize how lucky you are to be rid of her... She is now that other guys problem and you are free to meet someone who truly cares and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Give it time, your anger will fade to sympathy at her and her inability to care for people. She must live a sad life whether she realizes it or not. Good luck with everything, hope I helped a little :)
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