A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am currently 7 weeks pregnant by my first cousin but please dont judge me i had no idea he was my cousin till i found out at a funeral but anyways i dont believe in abortion but i wanna no what are the chances of something wrong happening to my baby also does anyone think its possible to keep it a secret that my cousin is the father of my baby..??
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Hello again. It's not about whether or not you are capable of taking care of a child on your own. Many women do, yes, and surely you will as well. In your position I would count on being a single mother, whether or not the father knows about it. That's not why you should tell him, it's not about your capabilities and his as a father, or what suits you best because he would be trouble.
Think ahead a bit and you'll see why you need to tell him. Because the child deserves a father, the child deserves to know to the father is. He, despite maybe not appearing to care, deserves to know he has fathered a child. For him, just like for you, it is life changing. He could of course be a dickhead and not give a shit, but you don't know yet how he will react, or if he'll be a part of the child's life. He deserves to know so he can show you what decision he will make. If he decides to be a dick and not put in the effort to help raise a child then so be it, what difference will it make to you?
The other thing is... what if he fathers other children? Doesn't the future wife, or future mother of these children, deserve to know that there is another child already? Is it fair to drop the bomb on her later in life? Is it fair to keep siblings apart to not ever know of each other, in the case that he decides to start a family?
It is characteristic of teenagers to not be responsible, do not take offense. You're a teenager, to you it appears logical and reasonable to not tell the father, and just keep it to yourself because you know best. But the adult thing to do is to be honest about the situation. You don't need to tell the world who the father is, but he himself deserves to know, and your baby deserves to know as well.
By the way, the father being a part of the child's life does not imply that you will be a couple, or live together, or get married. Like I said, as the situation appears you will undoubtedly be a single mother. So, it's not about your capabilities, but about what is the right thing to do, not for YOU, but for HIM and for the baby. Maybe he'll be a crap father. But you don't know that, nor do you have the right to make that decision on his behalf. He's a part of this child just as much as you are, the only difference being that you know, and he doesn't.
Take some time to think about it, and talk about this with your doctor, he could refer you to someone who you can talk to about unplanned pregnancies, and teenage pregnancies in particular.
As for health risks, I think your baby will be fine, the risks are there, but they aren't overwhelming. Still, it is relevant information that you should tell your doctor so he will know what to look for when you get a check-up. Cousins having children isn't that unheard of, just a few decades ago it was quite ordinary too, and marriage between cousins is legal in plenty of countries (some also allow half siblings to marry as well).
The thing is, if your baby has a defect it has a defect. If it is healthy it is healthy, end of. If it's healthy it's a normal baby with good genes, no other risk of developing things later on, and can produce healthy babies themselves. In all likelihood, it will be ok. Still, check-ups at the doctor is important for any pregnant lady.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni no that i shouldnt keep it a secret from my cousin but i just dont care and honestly its best i dont tell him he is bad news he will just make things worse for me and my baby.. i no im young im barely gonna be 18 next month but i no i could take care of my baby on my own i no a lot of women that do and there fine
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (4 July 2011):
you will manage on your own.i have a 2 and a half year old son. His dad left me when i was 6 weeks pregnant with him and has not seen him at allI have brought him up alone it isn't as hard as people say it is.It is the most rewarding thing ever when you have a little person who depends on you, and when they look up at you and smile it is amazing
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 July 2011):
 You cant be both parents for a baby, I know it seems like you can manage but it is not fair on the child or your cousin if they never have chance to be in each other's lives.
As the father of the baby, he legally has the right to know about it. If you tell him and he doesnt care, well fine that's his choice - but you have to give him the option of being in his child's life. Your child needs its father, so you have to at least give him a chance. It would be very wrong if you didnt tell him - I hope you can see that you have to at least try to get him involved. At least that way when your child one day asks about its father, and why he isnt around - you can honestly say that you did your best to get him involved. If you had to lie to your child and pretend that daddy didnt want to see the child, when really you didnt even tell him - you would feel awful. And if you told the child the truth, that you didnt tell the father about the child, then the child would never forgive you, and would think that you were ashamed of the child hence why you wouldnt tell the father.
I know it seems like a good idea right now to keep it secret - but it is worse for the child long term if you dont tell the father, and you will face some major problems with the child in the future when it starts asking questions about its dad. Telling him is the right thing to do.
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A
male
reader, Boy X +, writes (3 July 2011):
You have to at least give him the chance to be a dad if he wants. You are only 16/17.
The truth will come out eventually, so why go through the stress of trying to cover up what you have done for a year, only for it to come out anyway. Just come out straight away, that way you wont be under as much stress, and so the baby will be healthier.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanxx im just really nervous for my baby but i dont think my cousin needs to know and he wont even care i could be both parents for my baby
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (1 July 2011):
yes there is a chance they maybe something wrong with the baby i would go talk to your doctor and explain the situation they will probably tell you the chances also try not to worry to much as they can do screening tests and scans that pick things up early you may be able to keep the father a secret if neither of you say anything but what will happen when your cousin wants to see the baby at scans and when the baby is born good luck hope everything turns out ok.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 July 2011):
There are risks involved with having a baby with a first cousin - the statistics vary but from my research on average the increased risk to the health of the child is around the same as a woman having a baby over the age of 35. So yes, there could well be something wrong with your baby. However the risk of this happening is the same as a woman having a child when they are over 35, and lots of 35+ women have healthy children so in terms of a percentage risk it is not massive.
As Chigirl said - you need to see your doctor to explain that you are pregnant by your first cousin, doctors can screen for a lot of birth defects and health problems so you need to tell your doctor as soon as you can.
As for keeping the father secret - well the only way that would be possible is for you to not tell your cousin that you are pregnant, and lie to your parents & friends, by saying something like "I had a one night stand and I dont know who he is" etc.
But do you really want to do that? It is very unfair to the child to be raised without a father, and your cousin has the right to know that he is going to be a dad soon. As soon as you tell your cousin that he is the father, then the secret will be out and you will have to face the consequences.
As much as your situation is not ideal, and your family will be upset - a pregnant teenager having their cousin's baby is pretty bad, so you will have an angry family for quite some time. But they will come round eventually, they are not going to disown you for this. They are your family and they love you, so they will want to make sure you are ok and supported through this difficult time. It will be tough to have this talk with them - but you need to, honesty is the best policy here.
So, in order of importance, this is what you need to do now:
1. Tell your cousin you are pregnant and keeping it - this is 50% his baby so he has to know, and the child needs its dad so you need to tell him right away.
2. Tell your parents. It will be hard, but it needs to be done. You cant hide a pregnancy!
3. Make a doctors appointment, if your parents are handling it well then maybe they could come with you, if not take your cousin/father of the baby along for support as he is the dad afterall and he will need to be aware of any potential health problems too.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): You do not need to tell anyone that your cousin is your baby's father. Only he needs to know, but no one else. As far as your baby being born deformed.....I doubt it very much. I worked at a facility that dealt with strictly incest victims/survivors and many of them had healthy children whom were not deformed. There were father's and daughters, mother's and sons, brothers and sisters, cousins and granddads and granddaughters, all whom bore children out of these relationships. None and I do mean none had deformed children. I worked there for 32 years before retiring. Do you know how many siblings are living as man and wife across the United States? Over 100,000. I don't condone you being with your cousin......but I understand your situation. I do not know all of my neices or nephews, nor do I know all of my second cousins. Many of our parents, uncles and other elder relatives, take family secrets with them to their graves. So you really don't know who is who. One case in point, as children ( young teenagers ) we "knew" that a uncle was molesting all 5 of his daughters (my cousins), what we didn't know was that he had fathered children by 3 of his daughters. These particular daughters did not know that their grandpa was also their biological father until he died. Their mothers knew, but it was kept secret for 25 years. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): I am a daughter of two cousins. My parents had not really met until they were 25. My mum lived abroad and so she came home and met dad. I have a sister also.
My sister has not inherited anything much. We are both a bit nervous. I have inherited asthma and chest problems and the obvious things like what my mum inherited, bad eyes and osteo. I am now nearly 60. My life could have been better, but i am alive and through the grace of God have 2 children myself. I can not tell you what to do regarding what religeon you are. Someone married my mother and father in north london years ago. I hope this helps you to make a decision.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 July 2011):
I don't think you can keep it a secret who the father is, because someone has to be the dad and we all know it. So unless you have another man who is willing to take the blame, your cousin needs to come forth. Does he know you are pregnant? He needs to know, this will affect his life as well as yours. No questions asked.
Contact your doctor to talk about possible complications. It is important that your doctor knows in case of complications that could be life threatening. You also need to be informed about the pregnancy, when you are due, get a health check and talk about diets to make sure the baby is healthy. So, book that doctors appointment now.
Next, tell your parents and work out the practical aspect of being a pregnant teenager. I take it you still live at home and are dependent on your parents in all ways, so they need to be included as this will affect their lives as well. They'll only want whats best for you and the baby, so talk to them.
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