A
male
age
26-29,
*hekidamidstall
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 weeks now, and I notice that sexually she has so much of a sex drive. I, on the other hand, am one to want to do these sexual things but i noticed whenever we manage to at least make out, i may get somewhat of an erection but i just dont have that sex drive, or lust if you want to say. I find her and her sex drive rather attractive, so i dont know why i cant really get so horny whenever we mess around, or horny in general for that matter. Hell, yesterday there was an anime type convention thing at my school, and she cosplayed as a schoolgirl. That is a huge fetish for me, and i became horny seeing her in that. Also a couple weeks ago she went down on me to give me oral, and i barely felt real stimulation. Mind you, a blowjob is something I've always wanted to experience, so I find it quite a shame that i couldnt feel as much stimulation or pleasure as i was hoping i would. I came up with a couple possible reasons, but I'm not sure if the solutions are really working. 1: I figure that the problem may come from me masturbating and watching porn so much. Only recently, like a few days ago i stopped entirely. Before that i used to be the kind to watch porn and masturbate at least once a day. I'm hoping that if i put a stop to it I'll be able to feel that lust and horniness when the time comes when my girlfriend and I mess around again.2: I'm simply thinking/worrying about it too much. Maybe if i just dont think about this whole thing then this "problem" will go away on its own.That's all i have for this, and I would like some kind of feedback if what I'm doing is sound, or if theres anything else i can do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): yes its absolutely true. whem u stop masturbation there is a build up of testosterone and sperm in ur body and this helps to increase stimulation vastly.
A
male
reader, thekidamidstall +, writes (9 December 2010):
thekidamidstall is verified as being by the original poster of the question@k_c100
To get this out of the way, no we do not have actual intercourse nor do we actually plan on it. We agreed on avoiding intercourse. And this was only something i was wondering due to the fact that once when we were messing around I wasnt feeling that stimulated, nor was i too much into it like i wanted to be.
To answer your questions: yes i am a virgin. I dont recall ever asking my gf if she's a virgin, but for now I'm assuming she is because she wants to abstain from actual intercourse. And no i do not drink or smoke weed.
For now I'm just trying not to think about it and just go on with my days regularly. And as for feeling worried about sex: i sometimes worry about weather ill be able to enjoy it fully like i want to. That was the major thing that was bothering me as me and my girlfriend were messing around a couple weeks back. Mind you it was my first time messing around with a girl, and this was certainly not her first time messing around with a boy, so the whole not being ready emotionally makes sense.
I try not to let it bother me that I'm 15 and she's 14, yet she's a whole lot more ready than i am on an emotional level. And I figure I just let things progress naturally at this point. Thank you so much for taking your time to respond to this. I found it rather helpful.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Well at such a young age your hormones are in no way settled, you have only just begun puberty so dont expect your erections to be 'fully functioning' just yet. Let me just say this and get it out of the way - you must know that what you are doing is illegal and if your girlfriend is younger than you then you can get into a lot of trouble.
And are you using any form of birth control/contraception? The last thing you want is to become a dad at your age so please, use a condom and make sure she is on the pill or something like that.
Back to your problem - as I said before, your hormones are all over the place so in terms of always getting rock hard erections that last ages - not going to happen until you are older.
Chances are you are a virgin (at least I hope you are) so there will still be a lot of nerves for you surrounding sex and any sexual activity you get up to, so this will play a part.
Do you drink? Or smoke weed? These can both massively affect erections so if you do, cut it out completely and you should see a difference.
Stress and worrying does affect it so you are right on this one, if you over-think the problem then that will only make it worse.
Do you ever worry about sex? In terms of how you might perform, what you need to do, if she will get pregnant, catching STD's etc? Because emotional maturity will have a big part to play - at such a young age chances are you are not emotionally ready for sex and any sexual activities like blow jobs etc.
I know us adults are a boring lot banging on about being underage, STD's, teen pregnancies etc - but we do have a good reason! Chances are you are simply not old enough and ready for all this yet - you are forcing yourself to grow up too fast and perform like a man when you are still a boy. Masturbation is totally normal at your age, and so is watching porn. Obviously you like what you see in porn and would love that to be done to you, but you are lacking the mental & emotional maturity to enjoy them in real life at your age.
I would say slow it down a bit, you have only been with her 3 weeks and this is not very long at all to be rushing into so much sexual activity. Your bond and attraction to her will only deepen as time goes on, so the longer you are together the better. As you feel more comfortable with her and you have a deeper bond, chances are sex will just come naturally.
But stop rushing it so much, just be teenagers and allow things like this to progress in their own time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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