A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi AllI have a problem, that I must admit. I never had any lasting relationship. I have read all the books about how to keep a man, but my relationships seem to last only a few weeks.There is never a r/ship where I broke up without sleeping with a guy. ( I am safe because ive never had sex without a condom).. but the problem is that I panic everytime I start dating. I always fear that a person will leave me or they will not love me enough. This makes me to also start criticising or being too strict. By doing that i push men away.This time around I met this guy, I am not quite sure if I like him, ( because I want to protect my self) but I have already slept with him. Now my fear is that he will take me for granted. I feel like I didn't make him wait enough... but also if the r/ship doesn't work i will not be hurt....Please advise me on how to not let these thoughts control me or do u think sleeping with a guy too early will ruin the chances of the r/ship developing. I told the guy that i feel like i slept with him very early, and I dont wish for him not to take me seriously.... wise move??
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): Hi. Thats a good question youve got there. Youre unsure about where this relationship will go and you are right to be cautious. You chose to sleep with him when you did for your own reasons. There is no rule that says you must wait x amount of time before being intimate. Theres nothing stopping you from stopping that intimacy and going back a few steps to build your relationship and get to know each other without lust getting in the way and clouding your judgement.
You need to have a clear head to decide if you trully like someone and if you sleep with them it can send out a signal that you are already comfortable with them and really want to make something together. You cant go back and change what has already happened but you are always in control of the pace of things from here on in.
Dont do anything you are not comfortable with and never rush anything faster than necessary. It takes time to get to know someone. I was with my ex for 3 years and proposed to her. She said yes! She cheated on me and still denies it despite hard evidence. I dont know her! I thought I did but I dont.
Take it easy and look after yourself. Take care!
A
female
reader, perkypanda  +, writes (22 March 2007):
I think the current situation is a bad example of what your relatinship problems are. If you don't like this guy, don't persue a relationship, and don't feel guilty about casual sex.My advice to my girlfriends you worry when to sleep with a guy that they want a future with, is wait until there is a commitment from him. If you don't and he loses interest, he's a jerk and he's better off, and I know a lot of decent guys who say sex before a real relationship is started will make them loose interest, not increase their desire.
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