A
male
age
41-50,
*entlesoul
writes:Hello! I am a 25 year old man living in Syracuse, New York. I am very shy but i socialize when i can. My problem is i feel like time is running out. Everywhere i go i see people with their special someone and i don't have anyone. These horrible feelings get worse every day. I do not drink or smoke or do drugs and i am a virgin and proud of it. I will only have sex with a woman, if i get married. Even then it has to be the right one who actually loves me for the right reasons. The problem is that i am just starting my walk with god and most christian women already have kids or have better jobs, or already have a man. The church i go to and the bible study groups i go to have nice, funny, compassionate women. However, all of these women are already spoken for. I value honesty, integrity and compassion. I find it taxing to talk to women in general because they do not value the things i do and they don't want a better man. I won't settle but i think i won't find a woman that understands me, let alone wants to have a wonderful relationship. When i do ask a woman if i can be friends with her it's always "I have a boyfriend" or "My boyfriend would get angry" or "Your very sweet but no". Keep in mind i do not go to clubs or bars etc. Valentines day usually makes me feel like garbage because i am a sensitive, compassionate, honest, upstanding, educated, funny and awesome guy but women just can't see the inner me as the man they want to be with. I help everyone out and listen to them and be thier stronghold when they are feeling weak. Now, on top of all this i pray to god daily if possible that he will guide me towards the right woman but i think i'm so unique and dare i say out there, that finding the "right" woman is a bit of a stretch. It seems when i find the "right" one she is usually already with someone, not a virgin, and already married. There has to be single "honest" "compassionate" and "understanding" women that want a shy, yet wonderful man like me in their life. The problem is where are these people and can i tell from far away if they are already spoken for ? I am at my wit's end and like all shy men. We shy men just want a woman to love us and possibly love us enough to marry us one day, god willing. Please help! I am struggeling and i don't know how long i will be able to keep my sanity or keep my spirits high when my pillow is soaked with tears and my eyes are always red from crying. Even my friends and family cannot help me. Sincerely.gentlesoul
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female
reader, Dinah  +, writes (1 August 2008):
Hi gentlesoul,
I am in the same situation but than the other way around.I am in love with a 25year old shy guy.He is very nice,sweet and honest.He also has the same qualities as you!
And i am pretty sure he likes me too.I know him long time but we dont see each other much as he lives far away.But once a year or less we see each other during the summer.Two years ago i took the first step to get to know him.I found out he wasnt like regular guys.The problem is he didnt express me his feelings,never called me,never send me anything.Only on the msn messenger he answered my questions but never asked me any question back.Once i send him a message he never apply on that i became very frustrated.The only thing he really said to me is he wanted to see me.I dont understand what goes on in his mind but my heart tells me he is the right one.
I think shy men will find true love if they only open up more to girls.We girls want a man to take the first step but when a girl really loves a guy she will finally take the first step but then i think the guy should finish the job otherwise the girl feel uncomprehended and end up with someone else.
Good luck,
Dinah
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): I wish i were your age again.........please don't give up.....you should be proud ....if i were that age....i'd definately want to meet you!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): Hi there~
Well, I recently dated a shy man for 2 months and we broke-up. He was the first shy man that I've dated in my lifetime. I'm more extroverted and anxious sometimes but outgoing in certain situations. Anyways, it's the first time I've come across a shy person and I have to admit that it was difficult to get to know him at first and we struggled with misunderstandings and doubts towards the end. What ultimately broke us up was our inability to be honest w/ one another and come clean about our "issues." I realized that learning how to share about yourself indepth takes practice. Looking back, he had some incredible qualities: loyalty (eyes only for me), thoughtfulness like you wouldn't believe, courtesy and politeness, and a great lover. I wish we were hones w/ one another...
I know that I've learned alot about myself from being w/ him than I have w/ anyone else previously. I believe that he probably learned a great deal from my feedback as well. (We were honest in many other ways.)
It might feel like you're getting so old b/c you live in Syracuse, but you're only 25 yrs old!! There are tons of singles in NYC btw ages of 35-40+. Consider investing the time that you're single to learn who you are and developing a script of living that will make you happy. I assume that you're a christian, so a virgin is important to you? Well, unfortunately, you'd be eliminating a majority of the female population who are over 21 years old, so I would suggest lowering your standard. If a woman is good-hearted, kind, warm, smart and interesting person, her not being a virgin should be overlooked. Or, you could just date non-virgins for the purpose of dating and not necessarily w/ the intent to get into a serious monogamous relationship. I think it's a good thing if you just get into a relationship w/ a nice girl and learn to be together.
You sound like a great guy. I wish you the best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Ileana  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 Hey sweetie,Yes of course you will find that someone. Patience is key in these things, i found my someone in highschool and weve been together ever since. But i know that there is more than one person for everyone,Please keep your hope and just keep looking, trust me you'll know when you find her.Good Luck Iileyanaxx
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (16 February 2008):
 First off there is someone out there that is what you are looking for. And there are plenty of girls that are looking for a guy like you but younger girls seem to need to mature a bit before they start to look for a guy like you.I have been in this boat for most of my life, and yeah im only 18 but up until this year i was extremely shy and well i didn't help me find girls that had intrest in me. But let's just say my ex sort of destroyed whatever made me shy towards others and ever since then i have opened up more and more. Sure i'm still shy, but only if under certain circumstances or if i'm in a certain type of mood. Like if i'm really attracted to a girl for whatever reason i always tend to be shy again but as i talk to her more and more i begin to open up. And i'm usually the one being abused or pressured not the otherway around.But i can see where your coming from and i have also prayed on accasion in hopes of geting the necessary extra boost to find someone else that i feel the same about as i did for my ex, and have spent many nights since crying. But god can only help you so much, you have to do you part as well. Basically god can only help you help yourself.You need to learn to be less shy, sure you can still be shy and thats ok, but it could be the fact that you are overly shy that is causing a problem. And if you open up as I have the opposite sex will gein to pay more attention to you, basically work on your self asteem dont be afraid to look like an idiot or to be hurt. U already seem to have some self asteem at least you relieze you have good qualities, but you dont seem to have much confidence in your own abilities.Also in your case you cant find someone who is single, has the same beliefs, and is a virgin correct. First off all of this is fine and dandy in my opinion, you should find someone who has the same beliefs but the virgin part is what i dont think is a good idea.Sure you may eventually find one but more then likely it will be unlikely. Most wemon at your age even if they are religious will have at this point been married and probably have had sex at this point. I can see where your coming from but that doesnt really matter that much unless they have had sex with a bunch of diffrent men.And often times guys like me and you who are really shy and are reallyy nice, we often get stuck in the friend zone so we dont do so well when it comes to finding girls. They dont want tohurt the friendship you already have by dating you and hurting you and straining the friendship.All i can say is to try to open up as much as possible, and maybe lower your expectations a little, not to much, just a little, and dont sulk on the fact that you are single to much. And it isn't a big deal to be a virgin, i'm still one, and i'm not going to just have sex with anyone, i'm going to really be in love with the person before i take that step.But no matter what there is somoene out there for you, you just have to find them, not god, you.Good Luck
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