A
female
age
30-35,
*needadvice
writes:I don't know what to do about my brother. This isn't some weird incestuous relationship, I just mean that my brother hates me and I don't know where else to go. I'm 16 and he's 14. Here's the thing. We get along for certain periods of time, it all depends but rarely lasts longer than like a week and then we end up getting into some big fight. I don't know where else to turn because when I try to talk to my friends about it, they dismiss it as normal sibling rivalry (so if that's your suggestion, please don't tell me). It's really much worse than that though. The fights always start off small, over something extremely stupid. Then they escalate and always end with him telling me that he hates me, doesn't like me, that my mom hates me, that he doesn't want to live with me and yesterday he decided to unplug the internet while I was working on my term paper due the next day and when I tried to explain to him why even though he was mad, I really needed it and he simply did not care. So, then I tried to get help from my mom because i didn't know what else to do and he ended up screaming at her and making her cry and all this stuff. So, now I have no one else to turn to and things aren't getting any better. I've always had problems with low self esteem and when stuff like this happens it triggers so many emotions for me. I also used to have a problem with SI (self injury) which i haven't done for three years but because of how bad I feel about myself, his words are only confirmation that what I think about myself is true. I was seriously considering swallowing a bottle of pills last night just to escape all this. I'm sorry, I'm not bringing this up for pity or anything, I just need to get the point across how unhealthy this fighting between my brother and me is and I really don't know what to do......
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female
reader, ll16 +, writes (7 January 2010):
i know how you feel. sometime me and brother get into these really bad arguements that almost always ended up with us physically fighting. i mean we some time got to the point at throwing punches at each other's face, pulling out knifes on each other, and etc.
but we fought every 1-2 month, you guys are like every week. which in my opinion is worse because theres no beak from the arguing and all the hurtful stuff, which can really mess some one up.
but now me and brother fight as. now its like evey 2 1/2 months or more. and i use to feel the same way! there were points were i use to cut my self because i was just so mad. (i use to cut myself when i was mad, i never did it when i was sad. werid right?)
anyways, one day i realized if we didnt stop, one of us was going to jail or the hospital. so i said to myself 'thats enough im tired of all this. im not going to start it, if he wants to come at me,then be it, but im not gong to response in anyway. wether it be with words, emotion, or watever.'
so since he didnt have no one to argue or fight with (because i stated walking away and getting myself away from the situation) we started to argue less. and its also because i learned how to control my anger ( I went to anger management class. though i hated every minute of it, but i learned somethings.)
thats another thing your brother sound like he has a lot of anger in him. your mother should really consider anger management class. he probably wont like it, cuz God knows i didn't, but he'll pick up on something, and once he had enough your mom can do what my mom did to me, bribe him. tell him that if stops acting out as much then he doesnt have to go anymore, but the minute he does its bak again. believe me it works.
hopefully i was some help!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 You need to make peace with your brother and your surroundings.
You may not like his ways or his attitude but he is your brother and you need to give some and take some or maybe only give and never take any.
You will have to accept him for what he is. Do not criticize him , comment on him or just hold your tongue.
You know some of those arguments are stupid. They are not worth fighting over. Just let it pass.
He maybe 14 but for many boys , they grow older but their brains don't grow that fast. He maybe 14 but he may have the mentality of a 10 or 12 years old boy.
Give him some respects and give him some space .There is a a part of his world where you should not venture in.
Know where your territories are and this way you will have less conflicts with each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): funny how you said don't bring up normal sibling rivalry. My brother & I are 2 years apart too and I am older than he is... and much much smarter... ha...
once when we were watching a tv show, we actually got into a physical fight but i don't remember how it ended... we were both exhausted by the end of it i guess
that was a couple of years ago, and i still don't like him very much, i like my younger sister who is 6 years younger much better, she and i have more in common, she is way nicer than he is
well i think you shouldn't be hurting yourself and should not make up excuses like its your brothers fault or something. even if he's stupid and ignorant he's still just a stupid boy and you are too smart for that
i guess he just wants attention and is trying to get it awya from you but you should be strong and not let him scream about you
hope this helps not sure i really was much help
but hyou shouldnt have to face things alone is there someone who you culd talk to?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): What do you do? First off you DO NOT SWALLOW A BOTTLE OF PILLS OR HURT YOURSELF! You tell your parents how bad this fighting is making you feel. Most likely there is a FAMILY problem going on here that is not about your or your brother....there is something not working between your two parents or for your Mom if she is single, please tell her how hard this has been for you...and ask her to take you to a counselor or to a doctor at the very least for a talk....there is much that can be done, but it sounds to me that professional intervention is necessary to get your family back on track and then you will naturally feel better, you should not have to deal with your brother's bad behavior on your own, you are a kid, and this is an adult problem that your mom needs to take charge of.....let us know what happens with you.
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