A
female
age
36-40,
*asting time
writes: i have been on and off with my partner for 7years because he has cheated,lied,and wudnt take on the responsibility of a father and was a selfish partner.every time i would leave him,he would come looking for me some time later.i have 3 kids with him,2girls and one boy.for my first 2,he was never around.recently i got back with him again in april of 09 and im currently still with him,so really this is the longest we've been living together.i recently had a boy and he seems to have changed because of this,but the biggest problem i have had with him since we got back together is that he gets out of work and takes off who knows where and always comes back the next day in the afternoon and doesnt even bother to give me an explanation of where he was or anything.this is an every weekend thing.he comes in the house and always tells me the same things:he didnt do anything wrong,was with guys only,to not think wrong of him and to not get mad,that hes home already.we argue,he promises it'll never happen again and that hes sorry for making me feel bad.he'll say yes to anything i say or ask.it seems like he feels guilty or somthing.but the weekend comes again and hes doing everything the same and its the same thing over and over.i feel he doesnt love me at all nd dat he simply is just using me for his benifits.a free maid and kids.so he can show he has a perfect family for whenever he feels like playing the role of a perfect husband and father infront of his family.im tired of d situation,of the fights,always doubting and hearing lies and promises that are never kept.my questions are: what can i do or say to get to him to change or how can i help him change his ways?why does he even bother to say he loves me and will change if he doesnt even try? is he really staying out just because hes wanting to have sum guy time or hes back to cheating? i want a serious relationship with him,so....am i wasting my time?
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female
reader, Thoughtless +, writes (5 November 2010):
 heyy i am sorry 4 the late response i hope things got better but if it didn't i strongly do recommend u have a seriously SERIOUS TALK 1 LAST TIME with him IF U WANT 2 TRY IT AGAIN. if ur fed up just leave he will realize how good he has it. :] hope everything works out!
A
female
reader, wasting time +, writes (9 October 2010):
wasting time is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have talked to him many times about this and its always the same thing. he knows hes doing wrong and making me feel bad but i guess he just doesnt take me seriously or i just dont mean anything to him,and thats why he doesnt care when he breaks his promises. just last weekend he didnt come to sleep on thursday,and arrived on friday noon.he promised it wouldnt happen again and that he was realy sorry,yet that same night after work he took off again and arrived home saturday morning...and right now,at this very moment,im feeling horrible because today just before he left to work i asked him to please not take off somewhere when he got off work and he promised he wouldnt and like always,he hasnt come home and i bet he will not be coming untill tomorrow afternoon. he just doesnt want to be with us right? i mean i really dont see what else to do anymore.doesnt it seem like he is doing this on purpose so ill leave him?
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A
female
reader, Thoughtless +, writes (3 October 2010):
Ok so this man does not have any reason to be doing anything repeatedly of something that is bothering u a lot. I would say try having a VERY SERIOUS conversation with him & tell him everything u just said now. Try it one more time & see if he keeps his promise. If not I think u should move on with ur life & children & surely to find someone much more responsible & sensitive to ur feelings. I wish u the best of luck. Ur very young & have an entire life ahead of u. Don't settle for anything less than what u should deserve.
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A
male
reader, Jeffro1977 +, writes (3 October 2010):
Family is important, good communication is important for family. He doesn't communicate well.
He needs to start telling you everything. If he doesn't listen or doesn't like it then time for a new man for the family.
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