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*ne80bysummer152
writes: On and off again, 5 times in 5 months. Is she going to change her mind again this time? To make this as short as possible, i'll leave out the insignificant details...I moved to where I'm at now, 2100 miles from home, last year and met a girl at the place I worked at. At the time we were both 20, now we're 21. She has a son, and that never bothered me. We clicked on a crazy level, and we couldn't get enough of each other. Within a month we were living together. (way too young, way too soon). We fell in love almost instantly, and of course, I fell in love with her son. He was 4 months old when we met. Everything between her and I was wonderful for the first 8 months. I was "dada" and her whole family considered, (they still do!) me the baby's father. The real father is a p.o.s. alcoholic who used to beat her. She asked if she could quit her job and stay home with the baby, and I agreed. She was an amazing housewife and she's also an incredible mother. I proposed to her on Christmas of '05. Her best friend (female, 21) came down around the same time. She absolutely lost her mind when her friend came. All of a sudden she was a totally different person, lying all the time and just being rotten. So I told her to beat feet. She came back a couple of weeks later and begged for me back, i obliged because of my love for them. Her friend came back-same thing happened. So we broke up, AGAIN. This has been going back and forth for 5 MONTHS! Every time she does something worse, and the most recent time, I told her to go see other people and I would as well. So I started seeing a bartender, and so did she. (ironic) And what makes it more ironic, the two bartenders we were dating, USED TO DATE EACH OTHER! So last week, she shows up at my door crying with the baby. I asked if all was well with her and her new 35 yr old BALD boyfriend who lives with his PARENTS. She says no, and she can't live without me. She absolutely cannot live without me....supposedly. So i told her she's got to break up with him before she even comes near me, she agreed. The next night, she was supposed to break it off, her and I had a fight about something trivial, and she decided against following through. YESTERDAY she comes to my house AGAIN. Crying with baby in arms, deja vu anyone? I told her the same deal, if you leave him we will talk. She called him in front of me, told him she couldn't be with him anymore because she was still in love with me. Told him the truth about all of it. So we're back together now for one whole day, lol, and things seem to be okay. But i'm concerned with her morale, and if she possibly has ulterior motives. I am a little insecure and I can be jealous, as can she. We are basically identical in that aspect. I don't know what to do, and I sincerley thank you if you read all of this, but i just do not know what I should do. I really love her, but is she going to change her mind....again??
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alcoholic, best friend, broke up, christmas, fell in love, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, camille  +, writes (1 June 2006):
 She has been through a very difficult time with her ex so she needs to sort herself out. It sounds like (as you said) too young, too soon and too intense. It's not good for her son to have you in and out of his life either, so it's eithe rone last chance and mean it or just cut all ties. I mean, what are you actually getting from this relationship apart from sex? grief it sounds like. She gave up her job so she needs someone and it sounds like she leans on you. Her friend doesn't help matters so maybe if you do take her nack, tell her the friend isn't welcome in your home if her bahvaiour is going to change so dramatically.
Personally I think you've run out of chances and it's just treading water. You're a long way from home so don't let that cloud your judgement. (I do feel I have to say though...mentioning that the bartender is bald..... you sound like you just can't believe she chose him over you......?)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2006): Well, I would make sure that she understands in no uncertain terms that this is the last chance. Good luck.
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female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (1 June 2006):
 Well looking at the evidence I think you do actually know the answer. Its not likely. 5 times in 5 months, your in a vicious circle, and the more you take her back the more it continues. The trouble is now she thinks that no matter what she does you will always take her back. That isnt a basis for a relationship and I cant really see it working. This is harsh, but I think you need to close this chapter of your life, move on and find someone more deserving of you. If you continue with this one your never going to break the cycle thats begun. As much as you love them, its not being fair on you to carry on off on off all the time. Shes just using the fact that you love her to get back in. Dont let her, life is precious and we only get one shot.
Take care
x
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (1 June 2006):
 I gotta agree with richie - the ultimate relationship is out there for you, but you have to get your shit together first. Once you are comfortable in your own skin, not only will you attract quality people, you will view the reactions these people have to you in a different (and more healthy) way. For example, you will never put up with the bull you currently endure in your co-dependent, drama-filled relationship. There is no call for it, and you will be content to let some other poor soul have her.
You have some living and maturing yet to do, and you can't rush that process. Deep reflection will help, as would seeking different perspectives to help you interpret the experiences of your life. Coming to a forum like this can give you the differing perspectives, and if you work hard at it, you can use the experiences of your life to improve yourself as well as the quality of the relationships you have in the future.
I wish you the best - you seem to be a thoughtful person. Take care.
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female
reader, lilred112  +, writes (1 June 2006):
 Its sounds like your mate is a inconclusive im not sure if she is in a stable mind right now. It seems like she is in love wit you but not ready to settle down wit u.. More like she wants u to be there for her and her baby but she wants to do wut she want to do.. And this friend of hers could be bad news, sometimes our so called friends fill our heads up with a whole lot of tales that we seem to believe. So i think you should put ur foot down, with you just takin her back time after time jus let her kno that she csn do wat she want when she want cuz u will take her back cuz u luv her.. She is using ur love as ur weakness.. Stand up and tell her like it is good luck sweet heart and keep us updated...
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male
reader, richierich79 +, writes (1 June 2006):
 I don't want to break off a bad thing, but in life time is awaising. You can either spend your time on and off in a love hate relationship, or you can loose the drama and work on improving your own life, you will be amazed how many great people you can meet, when you aren't looking. Find something you enjoy and work on you for a while. Some one great is looking to meet you right now.
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