A
female
age
30-35,
*ady in Love
writes:he screamed at me on the phone so i ignored him for 5 days in which he asked me out and called several times and even once he came to my university with a flower and i said i was in an examhe have serious mood swings that i'm afraid may put me in hard suffer if we ever get married and i simply took the choice of breaking up! i needed more time to be strong enough to say it to him and thats when he text-ed our memories and what am i to him and when i said i just need time to think... he said i want give it to you because i know how dark do you thinkhe is amazing when he wants to be , and with any trouble he faces he changes 180 degreesi'm week, i want to leave him but can't, he simply holds me too tight in his heart than to go, i'm in the most amazing warm preson anyone would love to be inis this normal?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 December 2012):
Hi. Although he is disappointed about not being able to get the job he would have liked, in months to come he still could get it!
It might even be a blessing in disguise.
He probably gets moody and cranky, because he is the type of person who dwells on the problem, and can't move past it.
Remember, everything in life happens for a reason.
There are two ways to deal with a problem.
(1) Focussing only on the problem and how disappointing it is. And then feeling helpless.
OR
(2) Accepting that it is something you cannot change, and at the same time, making a plan for what needs to happen next. This puts you back into the driver's seat.
Then you are halfway to solving it.
Then you begin to look at other options that are also open to you.
And there definitely ARE other options.
Even if the qualifications he currently has, are not enough to get the job he wanted, those skills are completely transferrable to other jobs, and so they are certainly NOT a waste of time, by any means.
He could even find that down the track, he will be HAPPY he didn't get that job now.
It might be a bit of a disappointment at the moment, however in 6 months to 1 year from now, he could be on a totally DIFFERENT path.
Remember, as one door closes, another door opens.
A
female
reader, Lady in Love +, writes (21 December 2012):
Lady in Love is verified as being by the original poster of the question every one thanks a lot for your answers and concerns.you need to know that i gave him a "friend treatment" for a couple of days after which he cracked, but this time he didn't go crazy angry yet crazy tender and at one day he-by him self- apologized for what he did, promissing it want happen again.tell now we are perfect really thanks to you!!! Dorothy Dix : the cause was that he was searching for a better job than the one he is already in! he never said anything wanting it to be happy surprise but because reality hit him hard, he was embarrassed to say that his qualifications can't give an income greater than 700$ which is not enough to get married as soon as he always wanted.male: i am a very strong girl with a great esteem believe me, but what i can't handle hurting him which i know will happen in that case.So_Very_Confused:i did mention it and he choose to give it a try without one right now, but at the next sign he will go!thanks all again realy
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 "with any trouble he faces he changes 180 degrees"
it sounds like he has no coping skills. Counseling will help if he is willing to go.
If he can learn coping skills the mood swings (if they are always in response to stress) may lessen.
if he's not willing to accept that there is a problem, they by all means leaving is the best choice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): "He's amazing but then when trouble hits he does a 180. I'm too weak to stay away from him. Is this normal?"
It's not normal, but sadly all too common.
He's a charming, manipulative controller and abuser while you're a weak-willed doormat with low self-esteem and no self-respect. Textbook DC dysfunctional relationship.
He's "amazing" when he's playing to your ego and vanity by telling you everything you want to hear, and when there's "trouble" he acts like the lowlife scumbag he really is.
Sadly it's very likely there's no advice that I or any other aunts and uncles can offer that you will want to hear, and so you will likely keep posting variations of the same dilemma every few days hoping to get the answers that you want to hear but unfortunately do not exist in the real world.
I suggest that if your university offers student counselling services, then you should avail yourself of them. You are trapped in an unhealthy, dysfunctional, dead-end relationship with a controlling, emnotionally abusive boyfriend and you need a trained professional neutral third-party to provide the guidance, support, information, knowledge and help you need to get out from under his thumb.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (19 December 2012):
Hi there. Does any particular situation trigger his mood swings?
Is it a type of mood changing that is NOT caused by an argument just prior to that?
Why I am asking this question, is I am trying to establish whether it is situational or, is it just like him having a bad day?
Like a woman with premenstrual tension.
So what I am saying here, is that it could be depression of some kind.
Another possibility, could be that he has something on his mind.
Things like:-
(1) A problem at home with his family.
(2) If he is still at school, is there some kind of problem there?
(3) If he is working, is there a problem that he might lose his job?
(4) Is he looking for a job, and having trouble finding one?
(5) Is he a happy person, generally?
(6) What kinds of things worry him the most?
If it is clinical depression, this often shows up at or around puberty - from say 16 or 17 years of age onwards.
So if he has more depressive negative moods, than he has of happy and positive moods, and yet there seems to be no real reason as to why, well then he really needs to see his doctor and have his mood swings medically checked out.
It would probably require some kind of blood test.
And if it is found that it is clinical depression, he will need to be placed on some appropriate type of medication that will balance the chemicals in his brain.
And it will need to be very closely monitored, every few weeks, and it is a lifelong medical condition that requires meds for a lifetime.
A GP can prescribe some meds, although, to manage the condition properly, it needs to be in the hands of a psychiatrist where there will be many more options available to him.
And supposing that it ISN'T clinical depression and he has had it ruled out by his family doctor, well then you just need to sit down with him, and have a heart to heart chat about what is it that makes him so angry and moody all the time, when there otherwise, seems to be nothing at all going wrong.
You both need to be open and honest with each other, when you talk, so as to gain greater clarity and then move forward.
The main point to keep in mind here, is that people DO NOT get angry over NOTHING.
There is always a reason.
And another possibility yet again, is that perhaps you and him are not on the same page where it comes to what you both expect from your relationship.
You might want one thing, and he might want something else.
And if you are both clear on what you want your relationship to be, well then perhaps it is a simple thing of not very clear communication between you.
And then if this happens, there can be some misunderstandings, and some things being taken out of context.
And then sometimes, assumptions can be made, in the absence of clear communication.
So as you can see, there could be many explanations for his behaviour.
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