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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have a guy friend who I hang out with. He has been so busy with work lately and the last time I saw him was in the beginning of October. We keep in touch by texting. He revealed to me that he is attracted to me and he kissed me the last time I saw him. Recently, I tried to ask him to hang out again and he was telling me how tough relationships are, too many expectations and headaches. I was assuming he was talking about his past relationships. We get along really well and have a lot in common. He is divorced and so am I. I told him that I didn't want to pressure him and that sometimes I feel the same way about relationships. He said he liked me very much and appreciated that I wouldn't pressure him and he wouldn't pressure me either. Last week I was in an accident and was in the hospital for two days. I have a thing where I keep a list of emergency contacts and he was on there. My brother came to feed my pet at my apartment, and saw the list and called all my friends because he wanted to tell them about it. When I got out of the hospital I saw that my guy friend left me a message showing concern. The next day after I rested I sent him a text, and he texted me back right away asking if I was okay and said, "My God, thank God you are okay!" I was crying because I wanted to tell him that I cared for him deeply. I didn't get a chance to tell him how I feel about him should I tell him or will it seem like I am pressuring him?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 November 2013):
 Take them very slow... I fear he is telling you what you want to hear so he can get what he wants which is IN YOUR PANTIES.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 November 2013):
Hopefully everything works out okay. Taking it slow is DEFINITELY the best way to proceed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshna Thank you for your comment which was to the point and not harsh or negative. I just told him how I feel and he
is thrilled! We are taking things slow.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat is okay with me because I have other guy friends who stick around and are supportive of my decisions. It will just make me stronger.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 November 2013):
OP do not be surprised when the texting and talking on the phone dries up too... once he is 100% sure you will not put out for him as FWB he will disappear....
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 November 2013):
Well that explains everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs for an update, this guy did ask if I would ever have a friends with benefits with someone but I declined. I told him that I am worth so much more than that and he backed off and said no problem. I also told him that we could still be friends and hang out, he seemed opened to that but for now we text and talk on the phone.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2013):
OP what caught my eye was this comment you made in the very first paragraph:
“He revealed to me that he is attracted to me and he kissed me the last time I saw him. Recently, I tried to ask him to hang out again and he was telling me how tough relationships are, too many expectations and headaches. “
Sadly that’s all I NEEDED to read…. Because it’s very clear to someone on the outside that his comment was intended to put you at a distance. He’s making it clear with this comment that he’s not game for more than fun and games…. IF You tell him how you feel it will probably cause him to back off totally.
I would NOT tell him because you do not have THAT kind of a relationship. I also would NOT have any sexual activity with him, because you already care deeply and that will make you care more and I do not think he’s emotionally in a frame of mind to return those feelings.
If you saw him 6-8 weeks ago and have not seen him since and you live within driving distance of him, he’s not that into you. IF he was he’d be making time to see you.
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 I think it can never hurt to tell somebody you have feelings for them !! I mean if you dont do it your always going to regret not saying it ! And the benefit of telling him about your feelings is that you know where you will stand with this gent !
He seems like he is not looking for anything to serious maybe a relationship based on friend with benefits ... I dont know if this works out better for the more mature !!
Bur usually its a messy situation where feelings develop on one side (usually the female )
Tell this man how you feel and make a decision in what kind of relationship you are looking for !
If you know you are looking for something more serious then dont enter the friends with benefits zone your feelings will only get hurt and nobody needs that
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 November 2013):
I wouldn't tell him. Revealing your feelings when you're not sure that they are shared can scare the other person away.
You are probably better of hanging out with him in increasingly more date like situations. Feelings will either develop or they won't, there's no way of telling.
Also, beware of an attempt to convert your friendship to a friends with benefits situation. Sometimes that's what that "I don't want a relationship" talk really means.
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