A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help and I am not sure what more I can do. I have tried getting over an ex from my past but I cant seem to let go. It makes me depressed and I cut myself off from people. I have tried everything from counselling to dating other guys but its seems I am caught in the past. I really don't want to feel this way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): Do not go with the feeling that you are in defeat. You are in grief, and that is a very powerful emotion. It drains you of strength, and robs you of hope. You were overwhelmed; because you loved so deeply. Your love is misplaced; because it is being held for someone who has moved on, and withheld from those pursuing it in the present. Just allow yourself to be loved again. Allow yourself to redirect that love to someone deserving. Willing to return it, and be with you in the present. Life will change. You will find happiness without your ex. You have to believe that; because it is true.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for those word of wisdom. especially WiselowlE. Every word you said it true. I am the only one that can make the change. I am really hard on myself and find it hard to accept defeat.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 I suggest that you commit this sentence to memory.... and repeat it as often as is necessary to get through this:
"I can't change the past; but I CAN make a better future."
After a while, this will sink in, and things will get better for you.....
Good luck....
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): Sometimes it takes a long time to get over someone you deeply cared for. You are still in grief. Your problem is, you fear that letting go of his memory; is also allowing him to forget you as well. You're terrified he'll forget you. You wonder if you ever meant as much to him, as he does to you. It doesn't matter anymore. If it did, you'd still have him. You are looking in hindsight wondering what you should have done. You are suffering from the knowledge he has moved on.You feel powerless and lost. You miss him and ruminate on everything you did together. You forget something terrible happened that ended it. If it was perfect, it would still exist. It wasn't strong enough to last. It had too many weak points; so it fell apart. This all means you put far too much of yourself into that relationship. It was all you lived for. That's unhealthy.You're also punishing yourself with regret. Feeling if you did everything differently, you'd still have him. Well, you don't. Life goes on. You do not have the power to reverse time. He lives on without you. You must live and move on too.You have condemned yourself to wait; should the possibility arise that he will return. You can't hold yourself suspended in time. Letting life pass you by; while he's happily living his. He gave up on that dead relationship.It's dead, buried, and it turned to dust.You are young and full of life. Available to anyone willing to care for you. You just won't let them. You're stubborn.How much has being stubborn cost you so far? You put your very soul in his hands. He isn't worth that.Fate did you a favor by separating you. You have to learn to live as an individual. Reclaim and maintain your own identity. Learn to love your self again. How to offer your love to someone else. Give love back to those who are still there trying to love you now.Resign yourself to the fact that you are free to move on.You live in hope that he'll come around, change his mind, and return to you. He is gone. He doesn't want to return.What if he never does? He's changing with time. So are you.He may never be the person you once knew; if he ever showed up again. He isn't putting his life on hold for you. He isn't changing the architecture of his world, to include you anymore.It might be a good idea for you to make a big move. Change your environment. A total change of atmosphere is what you need. Maybe take a holiday to some far and exotic place.Stop seeing his family or friends. Stop visiting your old spots. Get all his junk out of your house. Stop stalking him on Facebook. You need change. You are a prisoner of your heart. It's kept you in one place. You've surrendered without a fight.So fight you must. I was dumped by someone a few months ago. I still have pain and still feel pangs of rejection from time to time. I've fought hard to free myself. Now the feelings are fading; and I never thought it was possible.Words don't really help. Maybe hearing it from someone who is undergoing the same helps. You will always feel a twinge of pain for losing someone. The grief doesn't disappear. It fades and you learn to live with it. It loses its sting. You have to stop blaming yourself for the failure of the relationship, stop searching for closure, stop feeling you require his acceptance and validation to exist, and know you are already free. The door is open and you are standing at the threshold. Step forward. Even if you take only one step; you're out the door. The key to being truly free, is not looking back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): Are you prone to self sabotage in any form and are you using memories of your ex partner to self sabotage? Have you covered this possibility in counselling?
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