A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have read so many posts, and even though most of them have similarities to my situation none of them fit perfectly so I will try to convey my story and see if someone can give me some insight on what to do!I am 30 and married 5 years, and have one child. We have consistently had a large fight every year that resulted in us deciding on whether or not we would stay together. Reasons for fights: lack of affection, lack of sympathy, no kiss hello, no kiss goodbye, no social life, we never go out together, he'd rather sit home and watch TV, I do more of the manly chores around the house than he does, he sleeps on the couch even though i have asked numerous times to sleep with me, and one of the biggest issues that he always brings up is that I make more money than he does. I went to marriage counseling last year by myself because he didn't feel it was necessary to go. this year after our fight, I am starting to feel like the feelings that usually come back and surrender to his, "I promise I will change", "I will do anything to be with you" just are not coming back. When I reminisce about our 5 years, I think about all of the times that I have fantasized about others, and how I felt manipulated by him to feel a certain way. I suppressed my feelings for so long because I never wanted to be the girl that got separated or divorced. I am at a current loss at what to do or how to do it. I almost wish I could pause my life, breathe and take time to think. Since we all know that is not possible I am stuck in this gray area of not knowing what to do.Will these feelings ever come back?Do I even want them to come back?As time passes since our last argument, I feel more and more distant from him. I am having feelings of wanting to go out and socialize. I am starting to feel almost comfortable that I could attack the issue of living on my own. These issues were never even a possible thought for me. I still don't know if I have the courage to leave, but how long do I remain this way before someone else make the decision for me?He is a great father and feel saddened that our son would have to endure the pain if we did separate and probably one of the reasons why I didn't leave last year. I almost feel like going out, and taking a night off from my life to just breathe and have fun. I also do not want our son to have a miserable mom because she stayed in a marriage just for him.I am at the point in my life where I want more children, I could support myself, and I want a man that will show me that he loves me.How many chances to men get? I am afraid of giving in again with even more loss of love and repeating the same scenario if not worse next year at our regular fight. What do I do?
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female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (17 February 2011):
I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time.
As sad as it is to say, more marriages than not end in divorce. It is like of like the odd are stacked against us.
You sound like you have done your part. You have went to counseling but unfortunately it doesn't really do much good when your spouse won't go with you. That is really the point.
You just sound like you two have grown apart over the years. It happens. If your husband won't work with you on trying to get that connection back then is it really worth your happiness to stay in a marriage for your child? Granted, the child will have 2 parents around but not necessarily 2 parents that love eachother.
Wish I could give you an easy answer but you are the only one who can make this decision.
Good luck and I hope everything works out in the end, whatever that may be!
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