A
female
age
41-50,
*nonymous Mouse
writes:i am a 28 year old lady. I am having an ongoing situation.One of my friend, a married guy (about 42 years of age), and his wife who was good friends with me for few years. Thought of them as parents. They use to talk to me, laugh, and ask me a favor or two. Now suddenly he is not talking to me, only his wife is talking to me. I wonder what did I do to him. He is very close to my best friend who is also quit older than me. But she treats me so good and is very kind to me. He talks to her a lot, but never says anything to me when I am around. He seems very stern and impersonal. I don't get this guy's behavior. Yes I know he ignores me for reasons I don't know. I am friends with him and his wife. And he is acting even more strange with all his sarcastic remarks. Recently, we all attended a seminar . And during the break, he came up to me making witty remark about me taking enough notes for everyone. I know he is being clever because he always criticize people for taking a lot of notes when he thinks they are not paying attention to the speaker. So I was like "no...Only took notes for me", while he was walking always with clever smile, then he doubled back, and said "what was that"...so I repeated my statement...then he walked away.THIS IS NOT A SITUATION AT WORK...I NEVER GAVE ANY SIGNAL OF INTEREST IN HIM EITHER.IT’S NOT LIKE I AM HANGING AROUND HIM.WE DONT TALK TO EACH OTHER...AT LEAST, I DONT TALK WITH HIMFELT LIKE I LOST A FATHER : (One night, he is trying to talk with me little bit again...but I m ignoring him.. it rained..And I left my umbrella at a meeting location...as i was getting into the vehicle to go home, i remembered i left it inside building...then when i was going for it, he was coming my direction and made statement: " its the fastest i've seen u walk"...i said: "i left something inside"...he said can i go and get it for you?" i said "no..I will get it myself"...then he walked off in shamei felt proud that time...but now i m feeling little guiltybecause i thought he deserved to be hurt. Then a few nights ago, I was talking with someone…I saw him coming towards me from the corner of my eye. I just turned towards the person I was talking to and pretended I did not see him. Then I felt a slight rub of his fingers of my arm. When I turned to look, I saw that he was passing by...i said "oh hi", he did not respond. Just kept on walking.Some days ago, a few of us had to go to a distant area to do social work. So we had to meet at his house for dispatch. I and my friend drove in her SUV to his house to wait for others to arrive. When we finally got to carpool, he drove my friend's SUV while this new lady friend at in front. So anyway, we were on our way and chatting and laughing. Needless to say, he was quiet most of the time. Then I was trying to remember the name of a book we all supposedly knew. I could not remember, so was describing the color of it. Then they lady ask him if he knew. He said the name if it to her in a very low voice, then she repeated it to me. Then I was like "yeah, that's it!"...all the while I am thinking that he knew the answer, but because he is having this attitude towards me, he did not say it. He only was talking when she said something. Throughout the whole day, his attitude was bad. And he gave me bad looks through the day, as if he wishes I was not there. What's his problem?...Any suggestions on how i could deal with him?UPDATE:I have not told anyone about it. I try to say certain things around her to get some clues, since they are close. based on what i know about him, if i go to him about it he will act like i am paranoid. But to make sure my suspicions on his behavior is correct, i kind of sit back and take notice of how he operates around me. For example, there has been a plan made by him for a group of us to travel somewhere to volunteer. So, what i notice he has been doing is secretly telling a few people in the group about it, and i always end up hearing about it late. So i ask someone to ask him if there was space in any of the car pooling for me to fit in: that person told me that he said that no one else will be added to the list if they came to ask. but i still told him to ask for me. about an hour after that, i saw him, he said to me that he heard i was asking about being able to go with them on the trip. so i said yes. he said: "well, right now we already have our peek of those who are going". so i said: "ok, well let me know if anyone drops out". he said that as soon as that happened, he would immediately call me. so they were suppose to leave for the tri the next morning very early. one of my friends who drives an SUV, parks her car in my yard. So about 7.45 am in the morning, i heard voices in my yard. i was till in bed. as i was waking up, it noticed it was his voice along with other friend. they were talking about needing her vehicle to be a part of the car pooling for the trip. she was not going, so he thought he would take her vehicle. apparently as i came to find out, one of the original vehicle they planned to use, had technical problems, so they could not drive it. then he drive my friends vehicle out of my yard. did not even call me. As it turned out, there were some people who dropped out of going on the trip he organized. and there was plenty of space for me. many of those who went knew that i wanted to go. even now they are saying they wished i was there. i told one of them that i told him to call me if space became available. they said: "really?. How come he never said anything?". even now, i am hearing a sudden announcement about another trip for tomorrow. and that only a few are already selected to go an that no one else can ask to go. Then at our group meeting recently, he was staring at me at the corner of his eye, from the other side of his wife. every time he was looking like that in my direction, i turned my head, allowing my hair to cover that side of my face. he looked so angry. after the meeting was over, he came my direction, so as i was sitting, i immediately turned my head around to one of my friends who was sitting behind me. then after a few minutes, he walked off. So i just grabbed my bag, and left the whole thing. usually i would see him today, but i did not.(the lady with the vehicle in my yard is NOT the same lady who is my friend, that is also his friend)UPDATE:A few weeks ago, he was saying complimenting me about something. But i responded in a non-shulant way.Because i know he was being fake and condescending. Anyway, i was a bit annoyed by his behavior that day, because i felt the only reason he was staring at me and spoke to me, was because something was said about getting too close to a friend. and his lady friend (who is my best friend), was not talking to him and he was not talking to her . so i felt like he was now uncomfortable around her, because he had a bad conscience about spending time with her and his wife a lot.Anyway, i was feeling a bit strange myself, seeing his wife giving me the cold shoulder for a few minutes, then when i was talking to her, she was not responding, just looking at me as if i made her upset about something.Now that my friend is getting engaged, he is more attentive to me again (a little), as first time. but i am making short replies to him when he talks to me. he seems a bit upset with that, but keeps trying to talk ans smile again.Anyway, needless to say, i am being very aware of him bczu i don't know if he will change his mood again. His wife and i are close again as well. she so sweet. but what do you think i should make of all this?...what's his problem?..possibly?Hope to here from you soon and thanx a lot : )
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (17 February 2011):
Hmmm. what I notice is that you have written quite a lot about a guy who is just a friend acting a bit odd. and you keep coming back with updates. You are analysing every move that this guy makes... and seem sensitive to everything he says -- perhaps it's you who has the crush?
If that's not the case, I would say being friends with a married couple can be tricky. If he does feel attracted to you, it would be very awkward for him. I'm sure he loves his wife. Give them some space and stop overanalyzing every move. It may not have anything to do with you. Maybe he's just moody.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): You sound very obsessed with him and they both might have noticed...they aren't old enough to be your parental figures but they are older and wiser! He may have had something going on like work problems and maybe you could have just asked what was wrong? I think you are taking too many little things to heart instead of just behaving in friendship and showing concern.
As the last advice suggested, there may not be as much in common. Ten years from now you will see how much more responsibility is on your plate and how many things in life you will have to juggle.
I am forty and I have twenty something friends and my age friends. Last month my Uncle went into rehab and my family was having difficulty. I wasn't as responsive to phone calls for about a week and my young friend accused me of ignoring her and my more mature friends reached out and asked if I was okay or needed anything. That's the difference!
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A
female
reader, Sabrena  +, writes (17 February 2011):
Gee i think he likes you and by him being mean its maybe his way to pulling back. I read the whole story and it appears to me that you are really pushing him away. You should stop pushing him away even though he is being odd just act normal, act like he is not important to you and try going to these trips with other people or even consider coordinating your own trip and you can invite your group even him.
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