A
male
age
51-59,
*matthews
writes:I went out with a girl for 3.5 years. It was an intense but happy relationship...She ended it though....Approximately 2 months later we were talking again and was even talking about getting back with each other but she started dating some else and chose him over me...Two months after that we started talking again. We got back together but after two days she ended it. Over the next year we got back together 9 times but the relationship never lasts 14 days and she is always dumping me. It got so bad that on the 6th time she came back she ended it after a day...She called me back a few days later and just because I was a little distant as I needed to protect my heart, she accused me of "playing hard to get". Every time she ends the relationship she does it in a clinical way so that I can't get to talk about what the problem is. Last year October 2006, I thought enough was enough and cut it off.This year September 2007, I decided to give her a call just to get closure on things. I felt bitter at the way she had treated me so felt a part of my healing process would be to call her and try understand her past behaviour in order to forgive her. For about a week after I called her, she kept calling me constantly begging for another chance. She was in a relationship but ended it instantly. I gave in and decided to give her another chance. She was saying all the right things and I believed her. However after 14 days I began to see that her mood swings were increasing....She ended the relationship again. She ended it quite clinically without giving me a chance to talk.She has a t-shirt of mine which is sentimental and everytime I ask for it back she asks "what's the hurry" and "why do I want my t-shirt so badly". I want my t-shirt back but I feel she is only hanging on to it for a way back in to my life just incase she thinks she has made a mistake. I know it's surprising that I am putting up with this rubbish and keep taking the abuse but I'm not talking about a child. She is 34, so everytime she comes back and says she loves me, and explains what she wants and talks about marriage, I believe her. I feel absolutely stupid.Do you think she will ever come back geniunely ? Do you think she loves me ? and Do you think she will ever realise what this is doing to me ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): Ok.I myself break up with my girlfriend that I love with all my heart on a constant weekly basic. Is it imature yes. Is it disrespectful of course. But if there is or was anything that was soo teribly wrong with your relationship before hand ex. Cheating, other guys in the picture, moving on so quickly. That all plays a toll on a mind esially if that mind is not stable. My girlfriend belaims everything on her mothers death and her anixty everytime some thing happens. Our relationship sucks but we are both holding on to what was. I run as your girlfriend dose cause I can't deal with all the built up pain and hurt. But to feel that your going to die alone or never be with someone as good but is it really that good? She loves you she just can't deal with problems the right way. Maybe she dosent know how to talk about them. I push away ppl who love me. Mother farter girlfriend cause I have soooo much anger towards the world and everything that is going on with my relationship. She loves you. You have to meet half way make sacrfices the both of you. Come to an agreement. Just remind your self of what gets her ticked off and try not to do it. It will help
A
male
reader, sosick  +, writes (6 November 2007):
I am going through the same thing.. for a minute I thought we were talking about the same girl..lol..all jokes aside..I never knew what bi-polar was until i met my ex girlfriend. we talked about kids and marriage..she says she loves me but everything was just as you stated.one week were cool and the next were on bad terms. Things are really hectic right now and from what your going through I guess I may never know if she did love me. I cant give you any advice for i am suffering myself..but it's been a week and she hasn't called yet. you should get her checked for bi polar disease...and go from there
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A
male
reader, sosick +, writes (6 November 2007):
I am going through the same thing.. for a minute I thought we were talking about the same girl..lol..all jokes aside..I never knew what bi-polar was until i met my ex girlfriend. we talked about kids and marriage..she says she loves me but everything was just as you stated.one week were cool and the next were on bad terms. Things are really hectic right now and from what your going through I guess I may never know if she did love me. I cant give you any advice for i am suffering myself..but it's been a week and she hasn't called yet. you should get her checked for bi polar disease...and go from there
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 November 2007):
 I think she needs some psychological help. This is nuts, and you're allowing this behavior by taking her back each time. Here is the correct answer for her "I love you, always will, but you keep playing this. I now choose to just remain your friend, but I can't give you a chance in playing this game with you, I have to move on and find someone who will be with me at least a month."
With the increased mood swings it sounds like she may have some form of bi-polar, and possibly an avoidant type personality disorder.
Before giving her any kind of chance. She needs to see a psychologist.
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Friend, it's a big shame that you had to go through an experience like this but I hope that some good will come out of it.First off, why do you want such a woman to come back to you? She does not respect your time and your affection which pretty much means that she doesn't respect you. Ok, if for some reason you do want a woman like this back in your life you must need to start doing something different in the relationship. She needs to earn the relationship. I know it sounds weird but think of it like this: if I gave you an egg and told you to take care off it, would you care for it more attentively if I told you it was worth a million dollars? I bet you would because now there's a value attached to it. If you want her to respect your relationship, you have to force her to earn the relationship so that it has value.You also need to provide some kind of emotional stimulation for her. You said it yourself, her mood swings start happening and then she breaks up with you. She needs some kind of drama that she can fixate on in her life so that she'll FEEL. Think of how much drama she creates by being on and off again with you ALL the time. I can't know for sure, but my guess on why she keeps the t-shirt is because every time she looks as it, she gets to remember the flood of emotions caused by the soap opera that is your relationship. You need to create drama for her to enjoy. Stand up for yourself when she does things you don't like. Pick fights over things that you care about, or fake fights over things you don't.As for whether or not she loves you, it's hard to say but I'd be willing to bet that even if she does she loves the drama she gets with you more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): You let her back in too easily. Don't. If you love her and want to make things work, you need to let her know that she has to prove herself in order to be a part of your life again and make it clear that this is the last time and her efforts have to be 100% - no more chances
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