A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I would really appreciate any answers and advice...My boyfriend broke up with me about 10 days ago. We were together for over 5 years. We are both 22 and had all of our firsts together. The reasons he broke up with me were that he isn't happy but isn't sure why, feels confused and under pressure (not from me he said but not in general...I wasn't one of those girlfriends that was really pressurising for marriage or anything like that, we're too young anyway...) and I think just wants to be single.Basically, I know this is what he wants for now as we have spoken since and he still seems sure of his decision. I understand, he's only 22 and we've been together since we were about 16/17. We don't know adult life without eachother so I can see why he wants to be single etc, I've even had thoughts like that in the past (like how can I marry my first love and never have been with anyone else etc) but they were never enough to break up with him as I love him so much. I am just so so heartbroken. I can't eat or sleep and my chest aches constantly. I used to love spending time with my friends but now I just don't want to - they're not him. I know that sounds terrible but I can't help it. I really don't know what to do with myself. I am at Uni in my final year and I can hardly face leaving the house and I'm worried my work will suffer.I was just wondering if anyone thinks he will come back to me ever? I know not now, but some time in the future? We had such a great relationship and got on so well. He said when he broke up with me that he still loves me but I don't know whether he's IN love with me. I would assume not if he could break up with me - I wouldn't be able to break up with him, no matter what issues I had, as I love him so very much.He's going travelling in November and coming back in around April and I'm just hoping that maybe we'll get back together after that? Or maybe even before? Or do you think I am fooling myself?Any advice would be great, thank you very much.
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (10 February 2011):
People rarely ever get back together with their exes in the future. Especially if the reason they broke up was to experience life and new relationships and experiences. Because while you do that, you change and grow and part of that means growing apart from the old relationship. Feelings fade and you develop feelings for new people. And if you and your ex try to hold onto a future together and each other, you won't be able to move forward in life and grow. You will just be tied to the past.By the time that he might possibly come back to you, you most likely will not want him anymore. You're still in the mourning phase, but that's normal, and it will take time before you're ready to go back into the full swing of things. Your work and school might suffer a bit, but try to distract yourself from thinking about it with school, friends, etc. Later on, you might look back and think that it was a nice relationship and a good first relationship experience, but it is in the past and that's okay. Good luck.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 February 2011):
I think this man is looking for the single life, and I think that's why he ended it.
You're both about to go through some huge changes in your life. Education will be finishing, and the real world is calling. That's a big change, and usually with a big change comes sacrifice. You were the person who was sacrificed so that he could go travelling, and move forward elsewhere in his life. Usually when that happens, it means there's no going back. You've split up, you'll be leaving uni, he'll be travelling until next April - that's a year. He'll then need to find a job, possibly relocate - more time, more space apart. You'll also need to find a job and possibly relocate - that'll take you away. The list of changes is pretty endless really.
I'm sorry, but I think that what you two had is over, and I don't think him coming back is an option. I think by waiting around and not moving forward, you'll only hurt yourself more. Therefore, my advice is to move on from him.
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A
female
reader, ashley187  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 WOW you sound like me three years ago! I was with the love of my life from a young age up until where you are now and we had all of our firsts together. I begged for him to come back because I never would have left him but he didnt. It has been three years and although I still love him very much; I have moved on. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It has only been 10 days, give him some time to think about things and don't be crazy blowing up his phone constantly. Let him think about things. If you dont hear from him for a while then you can call him and ask if he would like to talk to you about things. Everyones story is different. Be patient and I hope it works out for you. I can feel your hurt.. but you need to be strong anf remember although we may never understand it; everything does happen for a reason.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): I know of a case where two people had been together from being very young, they split up for similar reason to you and your boyfriend. The girl went travelling for a couple of years, working abroad. Eventually they got back together. But that was never their intention. I think it is good not to drift into a long term relationship that started when you were very young. It is good to experience life. So many people regret it later if they tie themselves down too young. So I can see your boyfriends point of view. Why don't you take a similar line. Don't hold out hope of getting back together, but stay in touch. Tell each other of your life, travels - who knows what will happen. But you should embrace life, don't put all your hopes in a man. Life changes and it is best to be prepared for being an independent girl, get on with your studies and try and see life without your boyfriend for the forseeable future.
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