A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Wondering if anyone has any thoughts on my situation.I've been with my boyfriend for around 3 years, we had a 3 month split in the middle, and since the last 8 months, everything has been almost perfect. We are both thoughtful and caring towards each other, we understand each others point of view in conflict and resolve them quickly. We make decisions together and talk sensibly about our future, and all the bits in between.We moved in together 2 months ago, and its gone very well so far. However, every once in a while, i do get a little bit insecure about some of his actions, they come across secretive, around his phone usually. (he changed some notification settings to completely zero - so it would never flash up a name of whose called or text) This concern is due to some things we broke up about for those 3 months. They are little residues. I talk about it to him, and he listens. And reassures me , says I live with you and planning a future, why would I lie or hide anything. And it goes as fast as it comes. My concern is that, it bugs me i have these flashes of insecurity, my gut has been right before on this, hence we broke up (it was around trust and over stepping his mark with girls - but did not cheat to my knowledge) but now i cannot tell if its just weak moments I have, or if I am sensing something he is covering. He is very intelligent and doesn't really show any reactions to tough questions often.Our sex life has decreased a little, my attraction isn't as strong as our first year or two and I'm not initiating it as much as he does. Enough for him to raise this concern anyway. I'm just scared that I'm going to get blind sided by him, and hurt badly. Although a big part of me says this is nonsense and I'm lucky to have a good working relationship if I expel this thinking out of my head, and concentrate on working back my attraction?Anyone advise if this is common? or if my doubt will never disappear?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): In my experience once the trust is broken it is extremely hard to get it back. My fiance has never cheated on me but he is still open to me about everything I have passwords to his stuff and he has passwords to mine i could grab his phone when ever i want and do what ever i want on it and he doesn't care. We have nothing to hide from each other so it doesn't matter if we go on each others things. I would be concerned about him trying to hide whose contacting him. I would make a list starting with what upsets you the most and than next to it wright a solution that he can do to stop it. For example #1 some notification settings are completely zero. The fix is turn them ALL back on. Then tell him how you feel and go over the list and fixes with him and if he cares he should do what he needs to do to fix it. Good luck.
A
female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (15 July 2014):
 Why did you spilt in the first place?
I don't fully understand why you said you split up!
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