A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'd like to know how to make friends because I don't have many. I had these two girls that I hung out with all the time in elementary school but we were the only friends we had. K moved away and L developed quickly and became gorgeous and found out she was very artistic and smart. I am only average and L says I'm pretty and the nicest person she ever met. But then she met A (another girl) and they were always hanging out all the time and A was really mean to me. A wasn't popular either, was overweight and always got made fun of but she always did science projects and was on the math team so she got some respect. And she played softball.Well, I was never allowed to hang out with anyone unless I asked my mom a week in advance and L was always busy with A and I felt like a tag along. Then A started being nice to me and they both transfered schools due to bullying and I wasn't allowed to transfer. So when we DO hang out they'll give me different clothes (like one of their t-shirts or a cousin's skirt or something) and insist on putting makeup on me and doing my hair because I'm "too pretty" not to and they say that I wear my skirts too long and my clothes are frumpy. That's because i'm only ALLOWED to dress like that and they know it.Half the time, they talk about boys constantly and are always rolling their eyes and "educating" me on dating nad sex and all that. They both smoke weed and have been drunk a few times, which I don't like, but they're the only friends I have. Well, when we go out somewhere, after I'm all made up, they always run into some guy who workss wherever it is or they run int some guy from their school. Then, they decide THEY want to go to some other store or get nachos (if we're bowling) and I'm left stuck talking to the guy and they take forever. Or, they bring three guys with them and pull me aside and say to let him pay for my stuff or not to order onion rings because they make you have bad breath. Or not to talk about certain things and embarrass them. I can't really tell them this because they always RIGHT IN FRONT OF the guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Or, on the phone my parents are listening and I'll get into trouble. They're always telling me I need a boyfriend so I can hang out with someone else and I think they're trying to get rid of me!I had a couple guy friends from youth group but as soon as I started being friends with them, they'd get a crush on me or something and it would be awkward. When I say I just want to be friends they stop talking to me. I don't really fit in at youth group and no one really invites me anywhere unless they have to. Most of them sit by me at lunch but ignore me when I'm there and if I try to talk to them at church they act like they want to run awaySorry that was long winded but I don't know what to do and I know why people pick on me but it's always over the top mean and it happens everywhere I go! It even happened at summer camp or when I tried to join gymnastics or play kickball.What do I do? I feel too young for my age but all the adults say I'm TOO mature compared to most people and that's why I don't fit in well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): You sound just fine and your long winded post gave me a smile or two (remembering when i was your lovely age)when everything seemed so complex yet easy, wierd and wonderful. I am now as old as Mother Shipton (so my boyfriend has just said).
You sound very smart and aware but yet feel you don't fit in,that's good in some ways. This is because you are true to yourself and don't need to follow the crowds. As you mature and you learn what your own interests are, you will meet new people some of who will become friends.
Do you enjoy dancing or performing arts? joining these clubs or training programmes you will get to meet many new people.
Enjoy been young and stay happy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): I'm going to hit the maturity issue first. You feel less mature because you don't do "grown" things like drink, smoke weed, and you know little about sex. You have no interest in dating. So compared to your friends or the people you try to hang out with, you have little in common. The adults say you're mature BECAUSE you don't do those things, you're probably very soft spoken and respectful and follow the rules.You're worried a lot about getting into trouble with your parents or any other authority and your friends A and L are willing (like many friends) to get around your parents' rules. I am a parent, and considered a strict one and because of our religion we don't cut hair and women don't wear pants. But we still make an effort to dress attractive and stylish and there's nothing "frumpy" about it. Also, I think making you make plans a week ahead is extreme - considering you probably don't plan to do anything wrong it shouldn't be a problem.Your two friends have changed, and you've grown apart. You don't really fit in with them but it does sound like they are trying to include you. They want you to hang out with someone else so you'll have more friends, I'm guessing. And the makeup/hair is supposed to help boost your confidence but they are pushing you to date, probably to boost your confidence.It's hard for you to make friends with boys because most of the time, the guy ends up liking the girl and it is awkward. they don't ditch you because they hate you, they're just looking elsewhere and didn't go into the friendship wanting to be friends.I don't know about the kids at school, camp, sports and all that. The bullying must have been bad if your friends had to transfer and it's too bad your parents didn't let you. But a fresh start at a new school may not have helped you as you've "always" had social problems. You say they don't invite you unless they have to and they look like they want to run away when you approach.You don't mean to, but you come across probably as so lonely and needy that you come on too strong. If you were bowling and someone wanted to jump in in the middle of the game, that wouldn't work. It's the same with a convesation among several people. You think you're simply joining in, they see it as being interrupted. They feel you're butting in. It's hard even in the adult world to "break into" a group of friends and become part of the group. You're not going to immediately be part of it right off the bat, you have to let them get to know you.Can you invite one or more of the nicer girls somewhere? Maybe I would start that way. Or, if someone has something in common with you like a group you're into or an activity, that would make more sense. When you talk to people, is it related to their conversation or are you just coming at someone with a story or question? Are you over-sharing about personal things? If someone never met your cousin and you tell them a story about something that happened at her school out of nowhere, they are going to find that oddI think you are so lonely that you try to hard. Just relax and let people take their time getting to know you.
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