A
female
age
36-40,
*each1908
writes:Will men care if I don't have my own place? I am 31 years old and I have been hit with a financial hardship in life at the moment. For the first time in my life I am trying to not care what people think and focus on solving my financial situation out so I am not in debt - I am working two jobs - and trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.i sometimes worry though "I suffer from being insecure" what will men think? I have a great corporate job and my degree but I feel insecure that I can't have my own place- I am living with my folks since my bills at the moment are more than a mortgage a month. It is impossible for me to live alone at the moment and it makes me feel like a looser. Will men care if I live with my parents - it's embarrassing but even with two jobs my bills at the moment won't allow me toPlease some kind words - I know that a lot of people have their own place in their twenties ...
View related questions:
debt, insecure, live with my parents Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2017):
 The right man won't care. Look you have a roof over your head, you are doing your best and that is all you can do. It is much better you living with your parents than living in debt. Although I have been in your position before and I know how hard it can be. I have been there, it makes you feel like a failure. It made me feel lonely and that my life had went backwards instead off forwards. Remember it won't be forever. If you do date someone and they don't understand then they are not the right man for you.
A
male
reader, Woodstock54 +, writes (3 October 2017):
I'll say yes, most people at this stage in their life want to build things if they're in a relationship and if someone is still living at home, unless you really become good friends with a guy before you date, it can feel like a big barrier.
...............................
A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (3 October 2017):
Hello OP,I'm 32 too, and I'm also living with mi parents. I have 3 jobs, and work 24/7. You see, we are millennials, and the kind of job security our parents and grandparents used to have is completely gone now. Regardless of what other people say, STAY WITH YOUR PARENTS until you are able to be financially more stable and you are able to pay your debts. If you incurred in lot's of student debt, it can cripple prematurely your finances, and you should address that before doing anything else. Having a place for your own will only drain your finances.If a guy thinks bad of you because you still live with your parents, then it's a guy that it's not worthy of your affection. On the other hands, it's much harder for a guy to get a girl if they still live in their 30's like me since girls are looking for financial stability, specially at 30. The guy you end up with will have to learn to accept that you still live with your parents, but if he is smart, he'll see how much effort you put to pay your debts, and that's a very desirable attribute on a girl.Best luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2017): The best answer I can think of to your questions is, "it all depends!"
If you've got insecurities about what people think about you; I think you should be working on that, more than seeking men. That type of "attachment anxiety" can be detrimental to your future relationships. You'll never trust anyone; or believe they really care for you. You'll never feel worthy of love. So be vigilant in that respect.
Intimacy becomes pretty awkward living at home with your parents. If you stay out over-night; they'll know "the walk of shame!" Please take that humorously!
So you may have to delay or limit sexual-activity; unless your partner invites you to his place. Which also might mean you should go very slow about placing yourself entirely at the mercy of some guy you barely know. You better know and trust him very well. Thus you better gain control over your insecurities. Use your sense of logic and common-sense. Not just act on your emotions. Be practical and level-headed.
I think you should concentrate more on your finances; but don't let financial-troubles become a psychological-burden on you. Maintain balance, and enjoy yourself now and then.
Don't deprive yourself of tiny luxuries. Living under constant restrictions will drive us nuts! Use discipline!
If you feel overwhelmed, or feel depression setting in; seek counseling. Both financial-counseling, as well as for your mental-health. If you practice faith and worship; also seek spiritual-counseling to maintain a light and happy spirit. All this is necessary when you're actively dating. Desperation turns us into a totally different kind of creature. So keep this in-mind; if you want to have a vibrant love-life, and thrive socially. Maintain grace.
Everybody faces some financial-difficulty sooner or later. Living at home with their parents is pretty common these days for adult sons and daughters who are overwhelmed with debt, bad health; or facing a debilitating emotional-crisis.
You shouldn't be totally dependent on your parents when you're over the age of 25. I mean you would have to have been hit by very serious financial-hardship, disability, or significant loss; to place such stress and responsibility on your parents as a full-grown adult. They have to deal with the economy as well; as they approach, or live through their retirement. This is not a guilt-trip, it's a dose of reality. I don't mean to come across as condescending.
If they are on fixed-income, moving back home is a burden for them. Even if they welcome us with open-arms. They love us and are well-practiced in making sacrifices for us. If we make their lives easier, then we can stay as long as we like! Chances are, they needed the help; but didn't say so.
Most of us manage without having to return to living with their parents; but some must do what necessity dictates.
If working, we shouldn't live there without making some financial-contribution to the household in good-faith. Free-loaders are only taking advantage. Even if your parents are wealthy; it's the principle of the matter. If you are healthy enough to fend for yourself, do it. Even if you have to struggle. I don't mean sometimes your situation isn't so dire that you have no choice. Please don't take this in the wrong way. You never know until you have to go through it.
I am old-fashioned in the sense that I believe a man should contribute most significantly in being a provider and financially-supporting his family. He should be generous in funding dates; and never fail to share the cost. Even when it's your treat, he should add to the tip, pay cab fare, or the cost of the drinks. Some women earn more; and that role is reversed. Let them pay, if they insist. Just don't make it a habit, I'd say!
Sometimes women are the breadwinners; and as a couple, they agree for their husbands to be stay-at-home dads. It doesn't make him less of a man; it makes him more of a father!
Our opinions are based on our individual-standards and values. We are more flexible when we understand the circumstances and facts behind things. We must judge people by the content of their character; and we should understand the person, before we take it upon ourselves to render harsh-judgment against them. Sometimes you can see what they're all about immediately. Chalk that up to experience and wisdom. I don't always have to spend a lot of time with someone to know I'm messing with a fool or a jerk.
Don't worry about some man's opinion of you. Remember it goes both-ways. If he rushes to judgement, and he's quick to think the worst before he really knows you...red-flag! It is a bad character-trait for anyone to be that way. If he knows it is only a temporary-condition; he's likely to be understanding. Some people are naturally good at judging character; and others are extremely open-minded.
They may see some things in us they know may not work for them. They/we have that right. It doesn't mean you're not good enough for them. It means you're not right for each other.
I think it's better to date when you have your own money; and not to depend solely on the generosity of others. You should graciously decline excessive spending on your behalf; because you don't want it thrown-back in your face, and to let people know you're not a user.
If you're having in a severe financial-crisis I recommend that you seek the professional advice of a financial-planner to learn how to properly budget. Take free budgeting classes. Stay clear of consolidation scams or loans! Become educated on how to utilize long-term tactics to maintain solvency, save money, and to create a financial-plan for your future. You must save, and eventually invest.
Do me one favor. As your parents age, always remember how they took you in. Take care of them. Never abandon them like some ungrateful children. They use them, and have nothing to do with them when they get old.
Best wishes, my dear!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2017):
 I would say your priorities are a little off.
Instead of looking for a dude to date right now, how about you focus on getting solvent again?
That means an overhaul of your budget and cutting your spending. Whether you live with your parents or alone, you live above your means (so to speak).
You work 2 jobs. So I think you need to pack up the embarrassment about living with your folks. It's not like you aren't trying. I think many adults have been in a position where they living with family/friends temporarily. It happens.
But DO consider getting your finances in order. I think once that "issue" is more under control not many men will find it a "fault" that you temporarily are living at home.
Now if you live at home because your "shopping-addiction" is out of control (just an example) then it's an issue many men might avoid...
See the difference?
Also, do you HAVE to own/buy a house to be on your own?
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (2 October 2017):
 If a man cares about this, given your present difficult circumstances, then you are better off without them! It shouldn't be an important consideration at all, the only important thing is whether you like each other or not. I hope things improve for you soon once you are out of debt. You are not a loser! You are just currently in a little financial difficulty. I wish you well for the future!
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 October 2017):
 It's increasingly common because house prices are going up massively - at least in the UK, perhaps not so much in the US. Lots of couples have to live with their parents before they can afford their own place.
If you're really worried about it, look into house shares with other professionals.
As a side note, I don't think it's practical for women to rely on a man to take care of them. It should be an equal partnership in all areas - if not just so the woman isn't floundering if the relationship falls apart.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2017): It would be a bigger issue if it was a man living at home at your age. Women would steer clear. But men are generally more accepting.
And even if you met one who wasn't, then why would you want him? Finding a partner is a two way street. You likely wouldn't want a guy this shallow and judgemental who isn't very understanding.
The only real issue they will have is where will you have sex with them if you still live at home. That could be logistically tricky. So, you need to make sure they don't live with their parents either!!! Lol
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (2 October 2017):
I am old fashion...I still believe it is the man's job to provide for his woman, soon to be wife, and then mother of his kids...then family.
I would rather date a woman who lives at home, than who lives on her own. Cannot bring a lot guys around for sex with your parents around. :) Bright side :)
Plus...if a 31 year old woman can have the patience to live with her parents...it says a lot. If you have a loving and respectful relationship with yours, then you will do the same with mine.
If you love and respect your father, then you will do the same with me.
If a guy does not see that...His lost. :)
...............................
|
