A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:well i am in love with a man whose 31 years old while i am early 20s, sadly hes married and has a child.so i want to get rid of him but cant.so i am thinking of getting married to someone.at least i will have a husband and a home with whom i ll shall be busy with and then he will go away.i know that he was the best for me but since i am so unfortunate i should let him go.i know i will never forget him.i have too many memories of him.he was the one who revealed his colleague's sex life on radio by saying she sleeps around,has slept with 10 men and so is a slut.he was the light of my life.when i was going through the periods of darkness he came as my savior and changed everything.i no longer had to endure the bitter results.since his arrival hes always been with never left me for a second.I had two horrible boyfriends(in 2008 and 2010) with whom my relationship ended in just 3 months(though we never fought neither i knew their true intentions).but during the time i had them as my bfs they tried to distract me from him(as i was busy messaging them or talking to them)and soon the realtionship would end.and i would be back to him.but now i really want to go away so will marrying someone who cares about me help?
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 It is definitely not a good idea to marry a man you don't love in the hope that you will be distracted from your married lover!
To get married for this reason is basically using the man you are thinking of tying the knot with. Nor is it fair to you, either.
Sooner or later, because you say you'll never forget the married man, and have too many memories and associations of him, your marriage will start to go downhill. You may well regret your choice, and your husband certainly will be unhappy if your first loyalty and commitment is not to him. He deserves your entire love and devotion, nothing less, if both of you are to be happy.
You'd do better to give up the married man entirely - no phone calls, texts, meetings, etc. if you haven't already cut off all contact, and stand on your own two feet so as to get your life in order as a single woman. Once you've done that, you'll be in a better position to think about marrying.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): No, don't do it. I can tell you for a fact (because I married someone I didn't love after my first love broke my heart,) this is not a good idea at all.
You may be distracted for a while, but as time goes by you will start to wonder and regret. You'll wonder if there is anyone out there that you love and that loves you (and that isn't attached to someone else already.) The relationship will suffer. And it won't end well.
You have to marry someone you love. Marriage is forever. I think the high divorce rate is because people marry for the wrong reasons, and this is a wrong reason.
Instead, I think you should take time to get to know yourself. Break away from dating, men, and get away from the married man. Become your own knight in shinning armor.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 Let's bring up a couple of phrases from your submittal:"...at least i will have a husband and a home..." and, "...and soon the realtionship would end.and i would be back to him."Two thoughts:1. When you write "...at least"... if means that you would be "settling"... that is, accepting something less than what you would like. Is that OK for you... because most women seem to say that "settling" sucks...2. If you've endured two other relationships wherein the lure of your married lover enticed you to break them up... what reason do you have to believe that you won't do the same thing with a "husband"... AND, once you have a "husband" the process of breaking up can get very messy and complicated....Please DON'T tell me that you'd consider spawning CHILDREN in your sham "marriage."....Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 September 2011):
 marrying someone who cares about you but you are using to forget about the man you really care about does not seem like a good plan...
it's not fair to the man you marry or to yourself.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 The short answer is, if you marry someone today to help you get over the hurt you feel now, you'll only feel worse -- with interest -- tomorrow.
It sounds like you don't have deep feelings with your potential suitor and more than likely done the road, you'll be resentful that you "settled" with him. Ultimately, you'll wind up divorced and you may become bitter; having wasted your best years. By then, too, you may have children, and they'll pay a price by having divorced parents.
It sounds like you need some time to sort things out for yourself. Your married lover isn't going to leave his wife for you and while you have hurt feelings, in time, they do get better. And eventually a man who you share deep feelings will come along and sweep you off your feet. Why would you want to settle for anything less?
I urge you not to cheat yourself and your potential husband by settling while going through this emotional turmoil. You are setting yourself up for a heapload of a pain tomorrow.
Good luck.
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