A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been having these emotional outbursts from anger to sobbing but mostly sobbing for the last couple of days feeling so bad for my man how much I am going to miss him, the pain he must be going through to why did he do this to me, goodness you can't imagine my turmoil, then I read it is going to take 7 years for me to get over what he has done to me, it will be like he still has this control over my life and that thought is driving me crazy. I am so angry and upset, I don’t want this to be true. He has always said that his ex girlfriends still love him and would take him back like that. I don’t want to be one of them even though I know the power he has over me. My mind well my emotions really, are like a rollercoaster, I feel so drained and exhausted. How can I stop the hurt? I have been through 9 plus years of emotional and physical abuse I can’t go on for another 7 years of emotional issues with him still having this power and control of my life. It so not fair. I really need help. I am so confused.
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female
reader, rejuven8  +, writes (27 February 2009):
As soon as you meet someone that really loves you and you feel the same way, your past will start disolving! I've been through it 2! You will never forget though! But remember that everything that happens in your life will make you a better and stronger person!
I fell in love with a wonderfull man, and the abusive turd I once loved..........well........his a bigger abusive turd in my mind now!!!!
It will get better soon
Good luck and don't take him back!!!! Ever!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I am very sorry to read your story.If I was in your situation, I would do a few things. (I have been with an abusive woman, who I dearly loved).7 years, are you crazy? as otherstarfish said ACT and citated: look back, don't star.Leave this guy or kick him out of your house and break all contact. You don't need him, whatever he is telling.Do not make the same mistake as so many other women, to find again a violent guy. Research shows that a very high percentage of the women rolling from one violent (or alcoholic) relation into the other. These women seems to 'fall for this type of men', but the reason is that they are thinking in a wrong way.,Because they are very emotional about this subject (normal), because they (you) are so strongly convinced that they(you) 'never ever want a guy who is violent'. The subconsciousness is misunderstanding, because your subconsciousness does not recognize the word 'not or no'.So you must think for example as following:*I need a person in my life who is taking care me, who is lovely, who is responsible, who is..etc (will a guy like this be violent?)*also for yourself, to find your self-confidence and self-respect, you should think correct.If you like some more advise, you can always contact me.I wish you all the best and the power to act.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I'm not sure where you read that it would take 7 years, but that is absurd! There is no magic numbers! I have heard however, (a therapist told me the statistics) That an abused women returns to her abuser and average of 7 times before either getting away for good, or dying at the hands of her abuser. It took me six attempts at leaving, before I left for good. When I did leave I left with almost nothing. I rebuilt my life in the matter of less than a year! I did this with help from a group at my church...Healing the Wounded Woman. Within less than 7 months I had my act together and met a wonderful man online. We have been in an LDR for almost a year now, I am planning a move to his state in the spring and I am very happy! I use what happened in my abusive relationship as a learning tool. I am who I am because I have experienced what I have! I also have turned my experiences into a positive thing via this website! If I can help others, it was not all in vane! My life is so much better now!
I need to add that there are times I still have dreams about my ex, and the abuse. But I don't dwell on it...more learning tools!
Be strong and confident! You will get through this!
xxxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I'm sorry to hear of your distress. How long were you together? How is he going through pain? What has he done to you? What happened? If you can give me a bit more information then I'd be happy to help you more.
~Eve~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Who said 7 years ? emotions are not built on the magic number 7 exactly.
You will get over him. Because you choose and find a way to get over him. It might take a year, it might take months but you will. how do i know this? you have had the courage to write and think though it so this is a strong emotional tool to have. Think hard about what you really want - visualise it. Life without him and marrying a millionaire or climbing mount Everest or growing the best garden in the world. Dream these things - use these positive thoughts to push out the damage he did.
He will only control you for as long as your head lets him. Keep your head busy Think of things like the garden in great detail. every single flower, how it will look in the rain. How the path will go. Focus on other things.
another strategy - give what he did a score on a scale of 1-10 and think of even worse things he could have done - so lets give him a 4 for good measure.
then think of 3 things that you have done without him in your life that rate higher. Think of the times when you say got a good mark and school or your first kiss (if not him) or a nice surprise - now if these come out as a 6 you have three cards in your life that are better then what he did. Think of these things when he starts popping into your head.
Otheriwse the other thing is keep really busy Do things. don't think.
As someone once said : look back, just don't stare.
these might help - good luck.
Hugs.Star.x.
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