A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After our second year of marriage, I went back to work after the birth of our child. With the both of us at work, we decided to hire a nanny. The nanny who was fresh out of college at the time, is an attractive girl but I never cared because I knew my husband loved older woman (he's 30,I'm 39). And I was right, over the course of our marriage, they payed eachother no mind, and rarely talked to eachother. But ever since our divorce ( he refuses to move out because I cheated on him, and he thinks I should move out) things have been different. Now, the nanny and him are always staring at eachother, every time me and him argue, she fiercely defends him. He's starting to work out a lot more now, and one day she walked in the house with his jacket on!! Like really!! She said it was cold outside, so she just grabbed any jacket in the house.. I don't really know how to approach this because I have no proof...what should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2015): You're divorced. If you don't like the nanny, fire her.
Force him to sell-out his half of the home, or buy him out.
That won't stop anything, but you don't have to have that bullsh*t going on up under your nose. Hire someone like Mrs. Doubtfire, and your troubles are over.
You're holding on to him. It makes no sense you're still living together, unless that's what's going on. What kind of divorce settlement did you two work out? If you can afford a nanny, then you can afford a decent lawyer to work this mess out.
There's an innocent child in the midst of this drama. Don't you think for one second this tension isn't going to adversely affect the child's emotional development. Children can sense the tension and suppressed hostility; and they will act-out on it. There is no way there is a peaceful and nurturing environment for that kid under such cockamamie conditions. I don't believe for one minute you can remain civil with all this going on.
What's up with the three of you?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 December 2015):
 ".what should I do?" Not a damn thing....
Good luck..
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (10 December 2015):
What a difficult situation in that house. I don’t know why the nanny is getting involved in your arguments anyway, but I can’t help feeling that your kids are the ones suffering in all this: Mum and Dad split up but living together, arguing and the nanny poking her nose in as well. I’m afraid if you will continue to live in this situation, there’s nothing you can do about who your husband chooses to see and chooses not to see or how he behaves around the nanny. As others have asked, proof of what exactly? It’s none of your business. Who pays the nanny? If it’s you, perhaps you might like to consider declining to do so. She’s certainly behaving improperly getting involved in your arguments. I understand exactly why your husband expects you to move out: you cheated and it’s no more than you deserve. But instead of getting jealous of the nanny, perhaps you could do the sensible thing and invite him to talk about what arrangement would be in the best interests of your children that doesn’t involve you living together in this atmosphere that could become more and more toxic. You could at least show that you understand why he feels as he does about you moving out, because you hurt him and he’s probably angry with you, but ask him to put that aside and help you work out what is the best way to separate for the kids.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 December 2015):
 I was thinking the same thing. Proof of what?
You're divorced. Neither of them are doing anything wrong. Certainly nothing you need to be involved in.
There's nothing for you to do here. You relinquished your claim to one another. Let him date the nanny if he wants.
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A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (10 December 2015):
I'm sorry, but proof of what? You both are divorced and he didn't pay any attention to her while you two were married - and as you both are divorced now, and both of them are adults, even if there might be something in between them, I don't think that you have the right to say anything. Sorry. I guess you should focus on getting your possessions divided up and civilly getting through the split.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2015): If you are divorced, then he can see other women. This includes the nanny, though I see a lot of issues with an employer/employee relationship, which is aside from your issue.
I think he is probably seeing her just because she is around the home and it is easy to rub it in your face. He is still angry that you cheated I am sure, and wants to hurt you. Understandable, but childish.
I would seriously reconsider keeping her in your employ, because this relationship with your ex-husband could cause a lot of legal issues. However, talk with a lawyer before you fire her though, as she may have some standing now for wrongful termination or sexual harassment.
My suggestion for you is to get out and go on some dates yourself. You are divorced, and now single & free to see anyone you want. And work on getting your housing situation fixed. Why are you both still living in the home when you are divorced? Can you put it on the market & split the proceeds & each find your own new place?
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