A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I have a boyfriend. We have been together for five years now, and I love him. In the mean time, there is this other amazing guy that I can't stop thinking about. I kissed the other guy once a couple of years ago, and ever since we met, I have liked him. But I still love my boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I am tempted to break up with my boyfriend, but something is holding me back and i don't know what it is. I need advice on what to do, because I don't want to keep hurting this other guy by being with my boyfriend, and don't want to hurt my boyfriend by cheating or something. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Does your boyfriend know that you kissed someone else a couple of years ago? I'm guessing that he wouldn't be okay with it any more than if you'd heard that your boyfriend were secretly making out with another girl.
What is holding you back is complacency. You are comfortable with how things are. Your boyfriend adds a sense of stability and normalcy, and in your way, you feel affection towards him.
However, if you don't love him and can't stop thinking about this other guy, you should break up with the guy you have, as it won't get any easier for either of you. You should break up even if you don't get together with this other guy.
Life is about risks, and change, and chances. You can't hedge your bets with love. It's all in or it's nothing at all. You can't go test the waters yet still keep the security you have.
So what's it gonna be? It's good that you're not cheating now. Do not ever cheat. Kissing is out of bounds, and I'm sure you won't make that mistake again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): If you can't stop thinking about another guy over a long period of time, your relationship with your bf is probably not sustainable and relationships need more than love. I'd save your dignity and break up with your boyfriend before you do anything with the other guy though!
...............................
A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 It seems to me like you want to have your cake and eat it too!You say you love your BF,but you dont seem to feel like your 'in love' with him...perhaps after being together for that amount of time the initial spark and excitement is gone...AND like with any new relationshp or circumstance leading to one theres EXCITEMENT,CHALLENGE and MYSTERY of the unknownAND like these things that are drawing you to this other guy,the same fear of leaping into the unknown is holding you back!You are in a relationship where ur comfy n safe n risking it all for the unknown goes against all common sense and our very nature as human beings..BUT STILL..you remain drawn to him and cant stop imagining what it would b like to b with himYou're here asking what you should do...In my opinion i see only two options and you have to make due with either1-talk to your bf and discover together whether you can bring back the spark to your relationship. This can mainly be achieved by COMMUNICATION!!2-take the risk,dump your bf and see if the grass is greener on the other side..you may or may not end up happy but at least you would have satisfied your carnal desires..Id advise strongly against the fallacy of trying to have the best of both worlds(unless you have no conscience or feel nothing) as doing that in all likelihood will leave behind injured parties and not to mention the guilt people have been known to feel following the aftermath of betrayal or leading another person onRight now your plate is full..you have tough choices to make and many questions to answer in determining what kind of person you are,what you want...AND how honourable you are...GOOD LUCK!!
...............................
|
