A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:First of all, I'm single since a couple of months. Now, an acquaintance of mine, a nice and funny guy who's been in a long-term relationship for several years, just asked me if I would be open to a sex experience with his girlfriend and possibly (if she agrees) himself. He told me that they're very much in love and they've both decided to try something new, since they got together very young and hadn't had other sex partners.She's very shy and agreed to let him probe around with discretion. I like them both, but I'm very unsecure about my sex-appeal and I wouldn't ever have thought that I could be so "interesting" in that kind of way: I'm not the typical hot girl, I would describe myself as pretty, at the most. I fear that this insecurity of mine could spoil the fun for me, even though he reassured me that he thinks I'm very beautiful (she thinks that too) and I shouldn't worry.What do you think would be the better course of action for me?At the moment we haven't decided anything yet and agreed that we wouldn't rush anything, as we're focusing on knowing each other. Also, we agreed that if someone of us doesn't feel confortable with the whole idea, then we won't do anything and we'll just stay friends.
View related questions:
insecure, shy, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): ask to speak to BOTH of them about it. Don't give him any inkling you'll do it, just be firm that you want to talk to both of them before you even think about it. You'll find out right away if it's just him or not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): I'm the anonymous female who posted the last answer. He doesn't have to be slimy. If poor judgment and bad behaviour occured only among the 'slimy' then it would be more easily recognized and dealt with.Your friend may indeed be an otherwise good guy who is simply caught up in the excitement of having one of his fantasies fulfilled. That doesn't change the fact that his actions are hasty, selfish and, yes, deceptive. I suspect he has broached the subject of threesomes with his girlfriend several times without success and now that he has a tentative 'yes' he's eager to make it happen before she changes her mind. And I can imagine the script he used with her. He wouldn't have told her that he wanted to have other women (or a specific woman) for himself. He would have presented the idea as a way for her to explore her sexuality with another woman and he'll have told her how excited watching her with another woman would make him. He may then have reassured her that she is the only woman he really loves and cares about and how this is just something fun for them to do together as a couple. This tactic is as old as time itself. Horny men who want into our pants are a dime a dozen. Women really ought to look out for each other. His girlfriend may be hoping that you sense what he has chosen to ignore. That she doesn't want this, at least not yet. If and when she does, SHE'll be the driving force behind it.Don't leave it up to him to do the right thing for you or for her, because obviously he's not up to the task. Best of luck whatever you decide.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): (I'm the OP but, since I didn't logged in, I don't know whether the site will recognize me.) Anyway, the last answer made me think A LOT. I have to admit, even though I'm not a teenager (I'm way over the 20s), I'm a bit too naive when it comes to men and their appreciation toward myself. Before I didn't have any clue about his interest in me, so when he told me the whole thing I was taken completely aback. After a good night sleep, I'm beginning to have misgivings and to think that maybe he's been just that little bit too hasty to tell me that he thinks I'm beautiful, especially if he was asking it on behalf of his girlfriend. At the same time, he haven't ever struck me as a slimy guy, on the contrary, he's quite honest and straight-forward...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): The best course of action for you is to decline.
You've got only HIS word that his relationship with his girlfriend is great and that she's fine sharing him with another woman. SHE should have been the one to approach you, since she is the one who risks the most (in the relationship). And if she is too shy to even do that then she is most definiitely NOT ready to invite you to her bed.
This threesome is not something THEY want. It's something HE wants. She may be mildly curious but she is only going along with this for fear he'll lose interest in her if she doesn't.
Make no mistake that your 'friendship' with this man is based upon his sexual interest in you. Once he is certain you're not an option, he'll stop pursuing you and he'll have no need of your friendship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): i think it depends on whether or not the focus of attention will be on your or on the man. if the focus is on you then i think it would be a great boost for your self esteem having all that attention on you. also i think a threesome is somthing you should experience at some stage in your life and its better to do it when you are single that way you wont potentially ruin a relationship with a partner like i did :) good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Oh, and discuss protection. Protection is number one priority, not under any circumstance would you want to fall pregnant!! If you do, you're close to bound to have to take an abortion, so if you're against abortions don't allow the man to penetrate you unless you're on birth control and he uses condoms (double protection for ultimate safety) and him not ejaculating inside of you.
It's also a special thing to have your man ejaculate inside of you, you should let his girlfriend have that. So let them know you don't want him ejaculating into you, but into her. That will show that you respect their relationship. Show them that you put their relationship prior to your own sexual demands. Make sure all of you take protection seriously. If you are unsure about how seriously they take this, don't do it. Make sure they are well prepared, and will take their part of responsibility.
If it's anything like it was with my friends it will be great! It was really nice, and I wouldn't mind doing it again.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (20 July 2011):
Sounds like fun to me!
The same thing happened to me, a friend of mine and his girlfriend had been thinking about finding someone for some fun times... and they thought of me. Here's how it all went down with me, maybe you'll get an idea of how to go about this yourself.
They invited me over for some tequila one evening, and the three of us had a blast laughing over old stories, gossiping and getting to know each other better. I noticed the sexual tension was there, but at the time had a boyfriend myself so I didn't act on it.
My friend casually brought up that he wouldn't mind watching the two of us girls going at it, and the girlfriend smiled at me... So I guess that's when the invitation was official.
We didn't do anything as I had a boyfriend at the time (although he did get invited for a four-some), but I met the couple almost a year later. The thought of a threesome was still on all of our minds, and I was single now. We had some drinks and laughed our asses off again, enjoying each others company. Before the evening got too late they brought up what I too had been thinking of: the threesome.
We discussed the "rules", and how this would impact our friendship, if it was to be a one time thing or possibly more, and checking that all three of us were on the same page. No one was to get hurt, the relationship between the two of them was priority and I come second to that, we all stay friends afterwards no matter what, no pressure, everyone gets to say stop if they feel uncomfortable.
I still wasn't completely sure about it all, but as night-time came they invited me to sleep in their double bed. Just sleeping, nothing else. It was an easy way to start.
Eventually I ended up kissing the girl, and we just started. We hadn't agreed to do anything, we were just testing the waters, and going along with it only for as long as it felt ok. The rest came naturally, the only thing to keep in mind is to pay both people equal attention, or have two of you focus on only one. It's important to not feel left out.
Afterwards we just went to sleep, and the girl hogged the blankets, lol. We kept an open communication, talked about STI's and if we'd all been checked up on etc. We're still friends, and would be up for doing it again if the time is right.
It was just a nice experience, and I think it was good to have that experience with friends. Sex can be something you wont want to do with complete strangers who you don't know if you can trust. With friends it is nice, I wasn't super attracted to either of them, I wasn't in love with any of them nor will I fall in love, same with them. It was just like an extended hug between good friends really, nice and cozy.
...............................
|
