A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it my fault my in laws hate me? At first they were ok with me but I knew straight away that his brothers wife instantly didn't like me and has always been a total cow including saying nasty things to my son any chance she gets, she refuses to bring my fiances nieces to our wedding, I was very upset and now I am angry. I have to admit that after being treated badly and accused of things I didn't do etc, I got drunk a few times and said and did things I shouldn't have, I feel like I have just made it worse for myself and there is nothing I can do. The lot of them are nasty and they think I am bad, I'm so frustrated and angry and there is nothing I can do to change the situation. Has anyone else been in this situation? Will I regret marrying him? Is this kind of conflict hard to live with?
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 You stand your ground with dignity and respect. No matter what they say to you, no matter how harshly they treat you, for the sake of your fiance, the man you love, the father of your child, you maintain your politeness and respect for them. In doing that, eventually people will see that you are innocent of whatever they have falsely accused you of. Surely your soon-to-be husband knows that and he will support you. Doesn't he defend you?
Don't give up on this relationship because of his family, you'll get through it and he will be there with you if he is a decent husband.
I hope that helps.
A
male
reader, spinnaker  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 You need to have a very frank conversation with your soon-2-b-hubby about the role of his family in your relationship. Before you say "I do" you need to be assured that this band is not going to be allowed to interfere with your marriage relationship. If hubby caves to his family when it involves the issues of your marriage, you are going to be in for a long tumultuous ride.
The most important thing is to do what you can do with them. No need to go out of your way to win affections that are not going to be won. Remember that you are the outsider in this equation and if they are not at least willing to meet you half way on a relationship, that is their loss. There are people (histrionics mostly) that use childish antics and sour tempers to maintain control - and the succeed because nobody wants to put up with their behavior.
That said and I shall repeat - you NEED to be sure where your man stands and if he is willing to stand up for your relationship with his family.
Regardless of how they act remember that you should still be civil because this circus is aferall going to be your family too.
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