A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf agreed not to have sex before marriage but told me he is interested in doing things with me like covering my breasts with cream and then licking it off by himself,cuddling and bathing together. Is it okay to do such things before marriage? Will I get pregnant if we cuddle and bath together?
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female
reader, feelinglostandlow  +, writes (22 June 2015):
An amount of his sperm would need to enter your body via the vagina for you to become pregnant. Fooling around can lead to unprotected sex if you are unprepared and "in the zone" things can spiral out of control quickly when your in the mood and already partaking in sexual activity ( not just sex)so be careful hun.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2015): You may get pregnant, if you cuddle and bath together... just before you have unprotected-sex.
Everything he is suggesting is foreplay, and likely to make you more submissive to his sexual advances. You said he agreed not to have sex before marriage? Is he engaged to you at the present? He's making promises he has absolutely no intention of keeping; and he is trying to seduce you.
He will steel your virginity, and leave you to explain to some other man in your future how it happened. If you practice according to the strictest rules of your traditional religious beliefs, all that he has asked of you is unacceptable.
You are quite naive, and don't even know bathing together will not get you pregnant. So he is taking advantage of your innocence and gullibility. It is good that you came here to ask. You know something isn't right, and you may have saved yourself possible shame; if your family is of the old tradition, and will ostracize you for your sexual behavior before marriage.
The safest rule to live by for you as a virgin is; if it doesn't seem right or safe, don't do it. The answer to offer him if he doesn't want to have sex before marriage as he says, is NO!!! Men don't get pregnant, and no one is really expecting him to be a virgin at marriage. There is no way to prove he isn't. For a female, there is!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 June 2015):
 Like the others have said, in your situation I'd say no. You don't know if he will marry you or not, he might dump you after getting what he wanted out of you for free. I've heard these stories too, about young women who allow their boyfriends to lick their breasts, and then he asks to touch her down there through the clothes, and she says ok, and then he asks to rub up against her without clothes, and she says okay, and then he will ask to just be a little closer, and then she's not longer a virgin. Then he ditches her.
Be smart. If he's sincere about you, he can wait with sex, all sex, until you are married. You can wait, it's no harder for men to go without sex than it is for women to go without sex. Both men and women have the exact same need for sex. It's not like men will die without it. He'll survive.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (21 June 2015):
It's not about safe. Don't do it. It's really that simple. If you're doubting it enough to ask the Q, avoid it. Not worth the risk. Honeypie and Abella are right. It's not just about the culture, don't let any boy, any place, manipulate u.. good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 June 2015):
 You know if you aren't CERTAIN these things are OK, why not ASK your mom.
My guess is you are asking US (strangers on the Internet) because we "might" tell you those things are "safe".
Where I'm from it wouldn't be a HUGE deal to do those things, but YOUR culture IS different and you know it.
I can't tell you JUST how many times I have read of young Indian girls exploring her sexuality with her BF, thinking it's OK before marriage, but then he DUMPS her because he can't marry a "non-virgin" or sexually active girl. YOUR society STILL holds on to a LOT of OLD notions, mostly the ones that LIMITS girls and women. YOU can choose to be a trail-blazer and do your own thing, but at your age CAN you actually back that up?
If there is to be NO sex before marriage, don't GET naked together till AFTER marriage. IT IS so easy to go further then you INTENDED while in the heat of passion.
I think you already know that what he is asking may NOT be the smartest thing to do... before marriage.
Do you know what happens to a GOOD Indian girl who loses her reputation?
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A
female
reader, Tottochan +, writes (21 June 2015):
Namaskar.I agree with Abella - you should not get into something that you are certainly not comfortable with.Being with a boyfriend, it might be natural for either of you to want to get physically intimate with one another. But you should be very clear about the boundaries that you set. If you haven't been with this boy for that long, I strongly suggest that you wait it out, for at least a few years, and once you're sure about the stability of the relationship, and that he's in it for the long haul (marriage), then you might decide to go ahead, if at all. Moreover, when that time comes, please be sure that you read up about all the possible contraceptives that you can use - do NOT proceed without adequate protection.Finally, it comes down to the foundation of the relationship that you are trying to build. You are very young, so it might seem to you (and him) that sex is all-important. With the passage of some time, you will see that it is only a small part of a healthy relationship. It is equally, if not more, important that you and he have things to talk and laugh about, that you can share your dreams and aspirations, and are good support for one another. Another very important aspect, since you are Indian (as am I), is that he should be respectful to your parents and family, and vice versa. Over here, marriage is not between two individuals, it is between two entire families :) That is a crazy, yet a very beautiful aspect of marriages here.So, again, please think on your own if you are in a steady situation with him at the moment, and whether this might last in the long term, and whether you actually even want to get intimate with him. After some thought, I am sure that you will arrive at what your heart holds true for you, and you should then communicate that with your boyfriend.If you decide against it and let him know, and if he then attempts to pressurize you by saying that if you loved him then you would do this and that, etc, etc, then be very clear that this fellow is NOT right for you. Relationships last on mutual respect and understanding. Say "Tata!" to him and thank the Existence for showing this to you at the right time :)Hope for the very best for your future!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2015): I think that it is good that he respects you in terms of not wanting sex before marriage, but all i can say is, when it comes to "doing other things" then that choice is yours, if you think it will lead to sex, then my advice is don't do them. It isn't possible to get pregnant from bathing together or cuddling for that matter, only having sex with out protection. i would suggest that you take your time and really think about it before you make any decisions like this. hope this helps
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 June 2015):
 I think your young man is pushing the boundaries a little more than you need. It is clear that some of the things you should know are not yet on your horizon.
Thus I think he sees you as an easy target to manoeuvre into sex you did not intend to have.
Do NOT allow him to take any photos of you in a state of undress; he is your boyfriend and if your flag is indicating India then you will be aware that this could end in tears. Revenge Porn is becoming a way that some nasty boys shame a girl into doing more than she intended by saying "do this or I will show these photos to everyone"
Always stop and think: What could this become.
There is no guarantee that later he will marry you. Never offer to get intimate with a man with the thought that he will want to marry you. The opposite is more likely.
Guys who are genuine will tend to value you more if you do say NO and say it emphatically.
Having sex is not a way of PROVING LOVE.
Choosing to RESPECT a person's wish to not have sex before marriage is REAL PROOF OF LOVE.
If a NO is not good enough for him then I can assure you that he is NOT good enough for you.
Bathing together ? Does that mean fully clothed in a swimming pool together with other people around?
Or far more likely does it mean that he and you will be naked in a bath together?
I will presume that he intends to book a hotel room since I hardly think that his mother or your mother will take too kindly to you cuddling naked in their bathrooms.
In a bath with an aroused man you would be trapped and vulnerable to him entering you if he thought that by getting naked and into a bath with him that you might be agreeable to having sex, in the heat of the moment, when he found he was erect and really wanted to take things further.
If I were you I would not risk it.
He sounds worldly and I wonder how many other girls he has tried these tactics with?
Since you appear to be in India I will ask you:
If you and he have not yet met each others parents and your parents have not met his parents then any marriage talk (if you are in India) is pure speculation.
I see enough posts from girls who have been in your situation in India who have agreed to do a few sexual things because the boy was pressuring for this to happen - and have read how very quickly the girl has been drawn into doing more than she or even he intended.
Then once the man has received what he sought to take - your virginity - he has then abandoned the girl who was a virgin when the met - and then had the audacity to call her nasty names and claim the girl was "easy" and worse and said bad things behind the girl's back to others about her.
Causing the girl terrible heartache.
YES you can get pregnant if even a tiny drip of semen gets into your vagina.
when men are naked and aroused the seminal fluid rises some can escape even before the man has a climax.
Around 250million sperm can be released in one climax during sex and in just seconds. So there are countless opportunities for you to get pregnant and it only takes ONE sperm to attach and enter your ready egg inside you to start a baby growing inside you.
Here is more to read on that:
http://www.livescience.com/32437-why-are-250-million-sperm-cells-released-during-sex.html
If you are not using any type of contraception you can get pregnant.
If he has any sort of sexually transmitted disease and he does not wear a condom then yes you can catch a sexually transmitted disease.
And if he is not fully committed to you and you do have sex with him then he can choose to try to ruin your reputation once he has tired of you.
If I were in your situation I would say NO.
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