A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedd:(
writes:I'm 19 now but when i was 15 i started seeing a boy, he was a year older than me but i loved him with all of my heart, he made me so happy, he constantly told me how much he loved me, that i was beautiful and special and he never wanted to lose me, he bought me flowers and took me places and told everyone how much he loved me and we were together nearly two years, he was my first love and i was absolutely distraught when he broke up with me, he said he simply thought that it didn't work anymore. I was very down about it for months, i lost alot of weight and hardly went anywhere, but i did get over it, until he started wanting to see me again all of a sudden, i think the word for this is 'booty call' which was all it was in the end, until i finally told him to leave me alone, i've had him deleted off facebook and never had any contact with him since then, that was two years ago and i started seeing my new boyfriend. I have thought about my ex alot over the past two years, i know i still love him, and im afraid i will never stop, i can't stop thinking about him at the minute, and although i don't even know him anymore i miss him all the time and wish things had been different, i just want to know if i will ever stop feeling this way about him :( it probably doesn't help that my boyfriend now doesn't really treat me properly, although he isn't abusive or nasty he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body and were more like friends now, he doesn't say nice things to me or make me feel good about myself, but we do laugh, and i enjoy spending time with him, and i think he does love me he just has problems showing it, but it makes me unhappy. I've talked to him about it and he's never changed at all, i've been seeing him two years and my feelings for my ex have never gone away, has that ever happened to anyone else?
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female
reader, confusedd:( +, writes (29 January 2011):
confusedd:( is verified as being by the original poster of the question ohh thank you soo much for all your advice! it really had made me think and helped me out and was good to hear about your experiences aswel. i think im just scared of regretting finishing my boyfriend and never finding anyone else, which sounds silly, in a way i probably don't want to be alone. Thanks for the advice guys :) xx
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Give it time. I can tell you, as God is my witness, you will get to the point where he doesn't even cross your mind anymore. Honest. It's still early days for you and you haven't made a clean break if you are still in communication with him and seeing him; BTW - which I highly recommend.
Lots and lots of SPACE - Distance and time. They all change your mind. That feeling of 'first love' is so very strong! But the truth IS - there are multiple possibilities of possible partners that could all be a great fit. If there really was only one true soulmate; and he was born in Siberia in 2001 and you are living wherever you are in Britain - well - that blows that theory all to hell!!!!!!!
And yet still people STILL manage to get together and procreate!!!
I PREFER the theory that - Love consists of two people finding each other who look out together and grow in the same direction. More plausible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Well its happened to me.We were together a year and i lost my virginity to him.He bought me roses,presents,took me to nice dinners and always told me he loved me. We broke up cause of arguing on my part to but i still love him two years later.Although realistically i know its 4 the best.I know why though and i think its the same 4 u to.Its cause we haven t found someone that treats us the same.But remember they broke up with us so we have to move on the way they did.We need to find sweet guys who are romantic and sweet but will never leave.My ex after we broke up had never really left my life cause he still loved me but he had changed and i ended our communication with very harsh words that hurt him. Now were enemies but i don t regret it cause it was called 4.I think like me u just want to find romance again and once u find it u will get over him. I suggest u ignore your ex before he hurts u again.Also consider leaving your bf and finding what your really looking 4.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Wish I had the answers. Been married 5 yrs now and still think about the first. I think youre right that it doesnt help when your new one doesnt treat you very good. It ended well with my ex and he was so good to me while it lasted. I feel like I was the one that caused the breakup so Ive always wished I would have done better at showing him how much I cared for him. I compared every guy to him for years. Finally I guess I settled. But everytime my husband hurts me and ignores me or Im laying in bed at night crying because of my failed marriage, Im thinking "Why cant he treat me like he did." I miss him so much. Take it from me, you need to get in touch with him and find out if there is anything between the two of you. Dont do like I did. Now Im married and stuck. Ive always wished I would have had the nerve to call him one last time to try for a second shot instead of getting married and accepting the break up as final.
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A
female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 When I was seventeen fell head-over-heels in love with a guy that I had only known for a couple months. He was only in my small town for the summer, but he got a job at the movie theater where I worked. I developed feelings for him quickly as no other guy had ever amazed me as much as he did. We began hanging out occasionally after work, but it wasn't hanging out in terms of how I had ever spent time with anyone. We would go for long walks out in the middle of nowhere and stare at the stars. We would go to childrens' parks and swing on the swings. We would go for drives and do nothing but laugh, but we weren't together. Until one day one of my friends let him know that I was into him, and he acted on it. We watched a movie in his car until the wee hours of the morning, and then he asked me about my interest in him. I told him I liked him, and he kissed me. The next night, we went to a large party together and had a fantastic night. We didn't go overboard with alcohol and spent half the night cuddling. He held my hand. He pulled me close. I was completely taken. That night, we laid in a friend's bed together and just slept. I laid with my head on his chest and just listened to his heartbeat. At that moment, I blurted out, "I love you". I didn't hear anything back, and every five minutes or so, I would wake up and feel the pain over and over again of not hearing it back from him. When I'd try to get up and leave, he'd pull me back to him. I was so lost.The next night we hung out with a few of the same people at a different location, only the night went horribly. We got a lot more intoxicated, and he eventually left the party. I remember running after his car because I didn't want him to leave me. I then passed out on a bed. I was transported to my car, to another car, and then onto another bed. Something happened that night that I won't go into, but it caused me a lot of grief. I approached him about it the next morning by showing up at his house. All he said was, "You need to go home and sleep". After that morning, we didn't spend time together anymore. He was constantly busy. You know the drill... We finally hung out one last time right before he was about to leave, and the night was as magical as it had been before. We kissed, and cuddled, and coincidentally enough, I watched the Notebook with him for the first time.After he left, I was distraught. I was beside myself and sobbed every night for at least two weeks. I had a rebound long-distance relationship with a guy I met on MySpace a month after that. He was a nice guy, super sweet, kind-hearted, etc. Our relationship had its flaws, but I overlooked them for the fact that I thought it was love. My summer romance came back into town to see his mother about four months after I had begun dating my new guy. I went to dinner with him, but convinced myself not to feel anything. I went home that night and talked to my boyfriend about how much I missed him.Fast-forward about two years later. I was nineteen and living with the guy I met on MySpace that I had moved across the country to be with. We had broken up by that point, but had to live together due to the lease agreement. Even though I had been through so much with my ex, I was still crying over and thinking of my summer romance constantly. I refused to watch the Notebook with my ex because I still dedicated it to my summer fling. I still replayed memories over and over in my head about things we did together that I couldn't let go of and wanted to go back to. It was turmoil.Now, fast-forward two and a half years. I'm now engaged to a man that is my everything. He's replaced those feelings I once had for my summer romance that I felt no one could replace. He's made me feel things I didn't know existed. I no longer think about my summer romance unless I see a Status Update on Facebook or some such nonsense. I don't hold onto anything from that relationship longingly wishing I could get it back, because I've found something worlds better.If your current partner doesn't make you happy, and you're still longing for something more, there's a reason for that. Don't ignore these feelings, you will only end up resenting your partner. Chances are you don't miss your ex, you only miss what you had with him. Like you said, you don't even know your ex anymore. Maybe take some time away from him. Find out what you want for yourself, and then go looking for it. Don't expect your partner to change. It won't happen. Trust me. It took me four years to get over a guy that I didn't even know anymore because I hadn't found what I REALLY wanted in a partner. Once I got it, I was able to forget about everything that I held onto for so long in a relationship that wasn't meant to be anyway. Hope this helped =)
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A
female
reader, desta101  +, writes (28 January 2011):
I really feel for you hun, i went through the same thing. Its really hard but you will get over him.. i was with a guy just like ur ex, and now im the same he cant really show his feelings. It was the harest thing i have ever done, but i love the guy with all my heart that im with now. If your not feeling the spark or buterflyies in ur stomch any more i think it might be best to find some one that is going to make you feel on top of the world, and yes i no easy said then done. Every one deserves to be happy and feel sooo special. it some thing for ur self for once put ur needs first.. You no that ur ex was using you as a booty call so now as hard as it is u might be able to move on a bit better after he did that to you. hope it was some help for u.
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