A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was just wondering, my ex girlfriend is missing her now ex boyfriend. Well she basically told me she is not interested in dating me after I had brought her out for some fun one day, she is not willing to lose me if the relationship fails (again). She then invited me for dinner (alone)we just need to setup a day, then to go to dance lessons with her for the next 8 weeks, she is not sure if she has enough money (I do) but she is going to get back to me soon about this. Then we were talking one day, and she told me a few times I was really good at getting her in the mood and good with my hands (back massages and well other things). She tells me about how she misses him, then about how she feels, she is more open to me then she was 2 months ago.Is she just wanting to spend time with me because she misses her ex? Or is there anything more to this? Or am I the best friend now that gets to have her cry on my shoulder?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 January 2011):
Hi there. It almost sounds like you are her therapist!
While that's good for her, I'm sure, it's not very rewarding for you. The main reason being that her focus is on her ex - whereas it should be on you!
It's never a good thing or an acceptable thing to go talking about your ex to a new partner. All that does is make the person you are with, begin to start comparing themselves to them. This then leads to insecurity and then self doubt. Not very positive. Also not too good for the new relationship.
If I were you in the same situation, I would be having serious doubts about her. It's clear to me, that she's just not over him yet, because she hasn't really moved on from it.
It's possible that she met you way too soon after the freshly broken off relationship. If on the other hand it was a few months after, it would be a whole different ball game. This is the greater part of the the problem, I believe.
In fact, it would be a wise move for you to suggest a break for a while until things settle down for her. I believe you have no other option right now. It does seem like things are only going to get worse over time.
You deserve better than that surely.
You deserve to have someone who will give you the time and commitment you desire, not half-hearted like she seems to be.
I really think that the timing was all wrong in your meeting each other. Another six months later, when she was over him completely, would have been much better.
Good luck and best wishes.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (28 January 2011):
 "Or am I the best friend now that gets to have her cry on my shoulder?"
I'd put my chips on that being the case. Nothing wrong with that though, provided you're happy just being friends.
But who knows what might happen down the track as you have dated before, but right now she's very focused on getting her ex out of her system so I doubt she's seeing you as more than a friend... for now at least.
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