A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated a guy for six years. He was my first real relationship, I guess you could say my first love. We got engaged and had plans to get marriied.After we got engaged we started having a lot of problems. I loved him and he loved me though he wasnt very good at showing it. After many issues and tears(of my part) we broke up. We would always keep in touch. Though he would see other people he would always come back to me. Eventually he met this girl and he has been dating her, I havent spoke to him in over a year now.. At first I was really heart broken. I had a really hard time accepting that he had moved on and loved someone else. Today I can actually say I am over him. I dont think about him and it doesnt bother me that he is with someone else, I now know even tho we loved each other, we were never right for each other. But I cant seem to find love again. I've met some really great guys, better than him and still nothing. It's like I'm numb, I cant seem to be able to develop feelings for anyone else. I've tried, I really have but I just can't for some reason.Is it true that you only fall in love once? Will I ever fall in love again?
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female
reader, Sadaqah +, writes (4 November 2010):
Dear anonymous
It's always difficult to get over a relationship, especially one that's gone on for that long. However, my advice to you would be not to give up on love. Like lightning, love does (contrary to popular belief) strike the same place twice. It doesn't have to be with him, if it's not to be, then it's not to be. I think you should simply get out there and enjoy life, love will find you where ever you are, it's not something you can hide from.
Best wishes,
Sadaqah K.
A
female
reader, Tt-7 +, writes (4 November 2010):
 The way I see it. Is there is something still there.. Like love scared... Your scared if it does go furth the samething might happen again...
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A
female
reader, lulu31  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 heyy :)
Well,from what i can see,you've been with this guy for six years? thats a long time! Don't give up meeting new people,it will definatly help you,you just need more time to realise who you are,you dont have to rush into things all at once.Haven't you heard the saying if you go looking for love then you wont achieve it? Live your life and youll start realising that you can fall in love again,Hope this helps good luck!
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 I believe it's somewhat true that yes you only fall in love once (but only one unique way to one individual) The reason why I believe this is because when you love someone it's complely unique to that individual person. The next person you love will be completely different again. Just the same way as we all look so unique to each other. love is as different and unique every time you love somebody.
You will find someone again. You can look or not, it's up to you how and which way you want to do it, there is no rules, no guides. And that's the best part about it. You don't know when love will strike again.
If you choose not to fall in love again, then you need to keep yourself occupied with career, creativity or anything else that can keep your mind off of it. Millions of people do this these days. Instead they choose to have sexual encounters with random people rather than fall in love. Quite sad if you ask me. I see it as a destraction, others see love as a destraction.
Either way, you know and understand the problem now. And that means you are ready to move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Stop trying. It's that simple. When you stop looking for love that's it finds you, seriously. Once you stop looking for what you had with him in someone else then you'll find a new love.
Just go out and have some fun, stop looking to replace his love with someone else's and just date for fun.
Although it kind of seems like your not over it yet. You're actually still on the rebound. Still looking to replace what you lost in your last relationship. Just forget about that, you've had time to heal and grow out of love with this guy but the love itself you haven't gotten over yet. Just take your time and enjoy being single. It will happen again just don't be in any rush.
Seriously once you've hit the stage where you no longer feel you need to be loved, that's the point at which you're ready to love again, that's when it will happen for you.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (4 November 2010):
Sometimes the pieces just don't fit. My good friend is going through a rough break up after a 3 1/2 year relationship, even though I have never seen a more loving couple. Even though it hurts so badly, they both agreed that they just didn't work. They both are so loving, kind, and caring people, but their personalities just couldn't quite fit, making the relationship shaky at times.
But love will always come back, however it lies within you to make it so. I'm glad to hear that you're moving forward and that you consider yourself over him, but another huge step forward is telling yourself that "yes, you can love again." There are lots out there who have loved/been loved many many times over and over before finally falling in with that one special person. Love can take many forms, but the real question is whether that love can go the distance.
In your case, while there was love, it just wasn't meant to make the journey. You will love again. Now may not be the time, but be confident in the fact that someone will capture your heart.
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A
female
reader, sweetheart6  +, writes (4 November 2010):
Tell you something? There's a saying that goes like "People fall in love, get heart broken, fall in love again, and claim that they've never felt anything like it before". I know it must be hard to have spent such a long time on one guy and now leaving everything behind and going ahead. Yes, you feel numb. You cant get yourself to react to other men. You're still a butterfly in your cocoon. There's always a struggle to get out. There's no easy way. But trust me, the pain and the suffering will be worth it. The best thing you can do is- Think positive! The world goes dark over and over again, but the sun never fails to rise, does it? And when you meet a guy who you KNOW is really nice, trust him a little more and give yourself to him without holding back. Love is not something you lock up in a box and give to one person. It's a river, full of life, that keeps flowing to the right place no matter where it begins. Dontcha worry! You'll soon join your ocean. Have faith and patience :) The world is big enough and has plenty of love for everybody!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 It is not true that you only fall in love once. I don't know who told you that. Your heart needs time to heal. That is why you are numb, you are not yet ready to fall in love again. Once you are ready, and find the right man, it will happen again.
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