A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do you get over your first love? I want to hear people's experiences and stories of their break ups. I'm going through one myself. I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and we broke up a month ago. My biggest concern is my future in dating. I don't plan on a serious relationship until I'm ready, but even then will I compare the new bf to the ex? Will I ever be truly happy with another person who wasn't my first love. Thank you all for sharing your advice in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for responding. I really appreciate it and had enjoyed reading everything. It all gave me even more hope. Thanks
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Yes, you can absolutely get over your first love. It may take time though, and it may be painful...but it will happen.
I thought it was meant to be with my first love. The relationship was very problematic, but I gave it everything I could in order to make it work. But it just didn't work out. After the break up, I was in a lot of pain. I thought about him a lot, about the good times we had shared, and I just wanted to contact him. But I didn't, as I knew it would not work. We broke up for a reason.
I felt a bit numb for a while after. Shut down. I honestly thought I would never, ever have feelings for anyone else ever again. But you know what? It happened. It took a while, and it was a gradual process, but I moved on from my first love. I no longer think about him, and I have no feelings towards him anymore. And yes, I have developed feelings for someone else. I wasn't looking for it, but it just sort of happened!
As for making comparisons, I think it depends on what exactly you mean by comparing. I think it is okay and natural to notice differences in your partners. But if you find yourself thinking thoughts of, "I wish my boyfriend was more like my ex..." or "He doesn't make me smile as much as my ex did...", and you feel sadness, then I think that is different. That would indicate to me that you are still not over your ex.
I find it helps to try and bear in mind that everybody is different. No one will ever be completely like your ex. So when you do start dating in the future, try to view each potential relationship as completely new. Get to know the new person, and focus on their good points, rather than searching for signs they are like your ex. Everybody is completely different, so nobody will be like your ex exactly. And that is okay. I think as long as you don't start dating in order to try and recreate what you had with your first love, you should be okay. But as I said, if you find that you do compare other guys unfavourably to your ex, it might indicate that you are still not ready for someone new yet.
I hope something here helps. Please do take care of yourself. Breaking up with someone you love can be a very difficult experience, but you can move on. Give yourself as much time as you need, and don't rush into anything you are not ready for. You can get through this. Good luck. x
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 With time you will get over him.
I met my first love in april of 2008 and it was great. I fell in love with him so fast. AT the time he was 18 and i was 15. we were great for about a year and then due to circumstances we split and i was so heartbroken, we tried to be friends and it didn't work. I distanced myself from him and i started hanging round with one of my friends. I changed and i was horrible to all of my other friends. I finally realised how i was acted and ditched the friend that had changed me. i stopped hanign round with all of my friends and i went in on myself. It was only when i came into sixth form that i finally stopped being a loner, my friends accepted me back and my best friend set me up on a blind date, i didnt believe i was over my ex but when i saw my current boyfriend for the first time i knew i could go somewhere with him. Weve been going out for nearly 8 months now and i love him more than ive ever loved anybody, i still think of my ex and i do still love him but i dont love him in a sexual way, i love him for who he made me today and wihout us breaking up i would have never met the love of my life.
Honey i believe in fate and if you broke up then you werent meant to be together. There is always someone out there waiting to find you :) xxxx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 June 2010):
I did. I was cheated on, so as you can imagine I was pretty hurt. but I got over her, and moved on to someone much better. If you allow yourself to compare your bf of the future to your ex, you will be in trouble. Those that compare their partners to their ex's always end up in trouble because they are always after what they had with the first. What they don't realize is that the new person is different and shouldn't be compared. There is nothing to compare. You'll get over your first love if you put your head to the ground, spend time on yourself and with friends and build your esteem up again. And on top of that, you have to remember that your next boyfriend will be a different man. Look for comparisons, and you'll never be happy.
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