A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My late-husband and I met in seventh grade, got married a week after graduation from high school. We were married for a year and three months and had one child whom was born on September 11th, 2001.My late-husband worked as a security guard in the South tower of the World Trade Center. He was on the 87th floor when the second plane went through. I was at home, watching it on the news, listening to him over the phone telling me that he loved me and wanted me to choose the name for our son. I told him I chose his name and that I loved him and then I heard a deafening noise and I knew he was gone.I felt numb afterward. I couldn't even cry. I gave an almost silent birth just eight hours later. It's been over eight and a half years now and I still think about him everyday. It doesn't help, either, that my son is turning into the spitting image of his father.I have, however, met someone else and have been dating him for the last year but because I'm not yet over my late-husband, I wonder if I'm ready for another marriage? I do want another child and my current boyfriend has six children himself, from a previous marriage. They are aged 15 to 27.My boyfriend is seventeen years my senior and he's wonderful. And although his oldest is only two years younger than me, and probably doesn't like the fact that his dad could end up marrying a woman almost his age, we've been able to get along fairly well. He doesn't have a girlfriend or a wife or children, so I usually make him the babysitter of my son when I'm out with his dad.I get the feeling that my son and my boyfriend's eldest have grown quite fond of each other. Which is great! Because I want a positive male role model in my son's life and none of my boyfriend's other four sons want anything to do with me. I would also enlist the help of my boyfriend's daughter, but she's 26 and living in England.I'm just not sure what to do with my current relationship. I seem to be spending a substantial more amount of time with his son than I do with my own boyfriend. But that's hoenstly beside the point. Will I ever be ready for another marriage? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mrs.smith81608 +, writes (23 May 2009):
Like everyone else has said, I am so sorry for your loss. I, like everyone else probably in the world watched as the tower was struck then collapsed.
You should be proud for being able to move on somewhat. I honestly believe that you will know when you're ready to remarry. I know it sounds childish and probably more high school than neccessary, but it's the truth. You will know when your heart is ready to devote itself to your boyfriend/potential husband. Whomever you choose, you will know. You will feel it. I'm sure the loss of your husband will always be traumatic for you, but your husband I'm sure wouldn't want you to date forever. He would probably want you to remarry and do what made you happy and what was best for your son.
I hope you find the happiness you and your son deserve, as well as another true love to share your lives with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): Hi, I'm the original poster of the question. I want to say 'thank you' to everyone who has said they are sorry about my loss. Of course, none of you are at fault and trust me, I've heard 'I'm sorry about your loss' countless times over, but it's always nice to hear that people still haven't forgotten.
My late-husband wasn't a war-hero nor was he a big, tough guy with a suit of armor to protect himself from the flames. He was my husband and he fathered my amazing, smart, and beautiful 8.5 year old boy and that, in itself, makes him my hero. It's true I will never forget him and have started to move on. I am questioning my current relationship because of my boyfriend's son, but at this moment, I just have to think all of this through.
Once again, thank you for all of the advice you all have given me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): I am so, so, sorry for your loss. I am originally from NYC and when I go back and see the big hole in the skyline, It breaks my heart!
I am glad to hear that you are at least trying to move on. Take it slow, and you will know when you are ready to move on to the next level.
Peace and Love,
Britt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): i read with humility the content of your post. you have worked through and survived a traumatic period in your life.
i am glad you have moved on somewhat and that you are opening yourself to love again.
what i am feeling uneasy about is the bf' son who you mention so fondly, he is just 2 yrs older than you. am i reading correctly that perhaps you have grown too fond of him. this time that you both are spending together - are you both developing feelings for each other or it is just "friends" and that you love his dad who is much older than you? something is developing bet you two. you mention that he is getting closer to your boy.
so my question is, are you "attracted" in a strange way to your bf's son. knowing that you two are closer in age and may share similar tastes. or is your relationship totally totally platonic.
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A
female
reader, Legioness  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 Firstly, I'm really sorry for your loss, I couldn't begin to imagine how agonizing that must be. It's good to hear that you've struck up a new relationship though, surely that's something positive right? Maybe one day you will be ready to re-wed, the only thing you can really do is take it all in your own time. Don't rush the process, it'd be completely understandable to your boyfriend. When you're ready you're ready, until then just don't keep pondering on it, live your life with your boyfriend to the full and if/when you feel that you could re marry then go for it, if not, then who's to say you have to get married again? You could just spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend and be as happy as larry :) all the best x Becky x
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