A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A year ago my wife had an affair. We separated and now we are wondering if we could work things out. Can I ever forgive and forget about what happened and how do I deal with knowing that she went out for a year long adventure??? without me?
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male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (7 February 2007):
its possible to forgive, but its very hard to forget believe me. there will always be some eliment of doubt and there will be situations where she'll say or do things that will make you paranoid.
but love and trust can if its genuine help build the gap. is she 100% about making amends for her betrayal? do you trust her again? im guessing the reason your here is that you still doubt this woman. if thats the case i suggest you work on being close friends until your confident you trust her again. if shes honest about loving you she'll be able to wait till your ready
A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (7 February 2007):
 Yes, it is possible to forgive an affair. I don't know if it's possible to forget though. But i'm not sure that it should be forgotten anyway. It will make you more selfish if you give your relationship another try; it's not always a bad thing.
If you and your wife both want to give it another go, then you should. Attend counselling before you start again, and continue it for the first few months. Any niggling issues can be worked out this way.
As to your wife's year-long adventure, well you guys were not together then. And you could also have had your own adventures during this time. Maybe you chose not to. Perhaps it was her adventures that led her to the conclusion that she had it pretty good with you, and in a way led to her wanting you back. The adventure could have been the best thing for you both in the long run.
Good luck to you both, i hope it works out for you this time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): If you think there is total conviction from your wife that she is sorry and loves you, there is a way forward. Poeple normally have reasons for starting an affair so it would be a good idea to get some counselling to help you find out why it happened and avoid coming across the same issues again. Because you are bound to be hurt for quite a long time, having the counselling will provide a safe place to explore those feelings and it will give you a structure to feel secure within while you work this through.
If you can understand it you are more likely to find some peace and forgiveness but it is a delicate situation. You may find that you have to look at yourself and own up to creating some of the reasons for the affair.
Marriage is hard work as they say and because nobody is perfect, I am sure you could imagine a scenario when you might feel unhappy enough to stray yourself. Sometimes when people do that it is simply selfish, but there are times when good people feel bad about themselves and look for another person to make them feel good - who is nor their husband/wife.
I very much hope that you decide to try and wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, liz24 +, writes (7 February 2007):
First, I must say that I am sorry that you have to endure the pain that comes with an affair and the memories of the affair that haunt you. 11 months ago my husband started an affair and is still involved in it. It is difficult but I wish that I had the opportunity you have to work on your marriage. You must and will forgive. Without forgiveness you will not be able to move forward in your relationship. To do this, counseling will help but not without the help of God. Believe me, a year ago my advise would have been the complete opposite to what I am telling you right now but I found the mercy of God and I realized that I too had to make some dramatic changes in my life. I will suggest to go to the following website for further advise as to how you will be able to forgive and have a better marriage than before. Here is the website: http://rejoiceministries.org
Good Luck!
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