A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have a few close mates who live out of state. My girlfriend is vehemently opposed to my visiting them without her. I want to take her with me on some of my visits but the logistics for the others would make her accompanying me a major headache.Also, there are some trips that I wouldn't mind going alone. Not to exclude her, but she'd really change the dynamics. Sorta like taking your nature-phobic girlfriend on a weekend hunting trip into the woods with your homeboy. In all fairness, I'd have a similar knee-jerk reaction if she planned a similar trip, but ultimately I would trust and understand. Oh, and these trips would include nights out to the bar. Our relationship has been mostly long distance so were not new to going out without each other. Am I off base?
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female
reader, asheyjader +, writes (7 February 2007):
First you have to understand that she may just want to be with you because she is insecure. I have the same problem. but in my point of view would you want her going out of state to bars with her single/looking for guys girls friends? Im not trying to be rude but isnt that what your friends most likely do? you have to understand that with MOST but not all women, espesially young, no matter how much we love and trust we are still insecure. All of my insecurness has to do with my past, you should check into that if you havent done so already. If you can find out why she doesnt want you to do without then your ask yourself if its you or something else. Like I said most young women do have trust issues and its something that gets better with time and age (in most cases).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): I don't think you're off base! Mutual trust is incredibly important in any relationship, although I think the issue here might not be so much trust, as insecurity. You didn't mention whether they were girl or guy friends of yours, but its possible that she might feel insecure if you're going to see or will be seeing other girls on your trip. Has she been cheated on before, pehaps, and that's why she feels this way?
You'll have to sit and have an honest, open talk with your girlfriend. Does she feel insecure? Is it really that she doesn't trust you? Perhaps she doesn't like the friends you plan to visit? Ultimately, the onus will fall upon her to understand and to trust you once you've reassured her and tried to dispel her doubts as best you can. I think she needs to relax a little, realize you do care about her and that she cannot control your actions or dictate to you, although this may not be her intention.
and it seems your girlfriend
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