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female
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anonymous
writes: hi im curious if there are any guys to give me some perspective. im contemplating a strictly sex/friend relationship with a friend of mine who has wanted to for some time now. i have no worries about it, i know about the attachement problems and i know i wont get attached,but thats not where my concern lies.my main thought is about losing his friendship and his opinion of me. he likes me a lot right now as a friend, and i just wanted to know, will he lose respect for me if we go down this path? and is it possible for him to still talk to me as a friend? thank you very much! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2006): There is really no such things as sex buddies..please read yesterdays advice titled "Bootycall # 2 says he loves me" 5/30/06 search for yesterdays posts. Usually it is discovered that in all bootycall situations somebody starts getting feeling.Funny enough it is the boys who start getting feelings NOT THE GIRLS. Girls are able to handle a sexual only situation and moves on better than men.It is actual a hurt to most mens ego when a woman only wants him for one thing. Most studies show men are affected more by breakups,bootycall..etc..men cant handle reject as women can..find someone else to sleep with..not him
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (31 May 2006):
 From past experience of this myself, I would recommend sticking as friends. Its cool when you think you are friends with that added extra... But when one of you feels more than the other it causes complications. I started to fall for my f*** buddy, but he didnt feel the same way, So i guess in a way I started to become a bit controlling, wanting more than him, when he was just cool with the sex! Why wouldnt he be... anyway it took me a while but I had to distance myself as I ended up falling way to hard for him, needless to say he would hang around for the sex and be all nice and cosy but mention a relationship he got scared.. We didnt talk like mates anymore, the sex had taken over, it was nice for a cuddle, but the conversation had died there was intimacy but everything that made us friends was taken away... in the end he just wanted the thrills, a girl to turn to that you get on with, for his fun when it was dry on the girl front elsewhere so to speak. In the end I guess i resented him a little, yes I had a say in it and i could have not done it and looking back I wouldnt have, We dont speak anymore, well hes moved etc, still have his number but we both moved on and lost contact. So I guess even though you think it wont get complicated it does, there are all sorts of reasons that could make it a bad move, if one of you found someone else before the other, there would be resentment, its alright saying no that wont happen, at some point something will happen to change it and one of you will be peed off! Once you cross that line and have sex, your friendship is never the same again.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (31 May 2006):
 These type of sitautions rarely work out well - ends in hurt feelings, tears, confusion, jealousy and god knows what else!
I would suggest sticking to just being friends and look for someone you can be in a relationship with to fufill your physical needs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2006): will he lose respect for me if we go down this path?
it possible for him to still talk to me as a friend?
Yes and probably not!
I have been in a similar situation to this. If you don't have the relationship commitment behind you, he will probably not respect you in the way that he does now!
Girls *tend* to become more emotionally involved when sex is involved, but with guys, they become less emotionally involved. You two might be different, but you probably arn't.
Save your body for someone who wants to love you and respect you.
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (30 May 2006):
 Quick and easy. No!!! Once you have sex with someone I don't care how much you try someone's feelings will get involved. Therefore, you can't be friends once you have had sex. People seem to take this act so lightly and its not. When you have sex your body makes promises that you never intend to keep. Stay friends. You both will find someone else to have sex with. Friendship last forever sex is 5-45 minutes give or take. Luck.
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