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female
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anonymous
writes: when we got married my husband was interested in metal music. I did not care since i liked pop music and everyone likes different types of music. The problem began when 15 years later he met other people who were mad into this metal music.Now all he does is go to concerts with his new friends, leaving me on my own. He has began to dress in nothing but black and this music is playing non stop in the house and it is driving me crazy. I have told him i hate his image and lifestyle but he ends up accusing me of trying to control him.Has anyone some advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (31 May 2006):
 Hmmm I was similar to you as when I met my ex I was would you believe it a Barry Manilow fan and he was into Kiss and Motley Crue etc.
Anyway, I was quickly converted over to all the Kiss library and Motley Crue and I did love it and dressed accordingly and went to Donnington Monsters of Rock years ago and loads of different concerts and that was great as I used to have a 14 inch electric blue mini skirt and my hair was backcombed to stand up and very long, I definitely looked the part and at the time I had lost weight and was about a size 10/12.
Well times changed and as the weight began to pile on and then I had my daughter 5 years ago things changed but he seemed to get back into the heavy rock/metal music and I didn't as I was happier to listen to anything that was easy listening or pop so we were very different.
You have told him how much you hate it but sounds to me like he is chasing his youth again and wanting to prove to himself that he is still the young guy again.
Let him have his head is my thoughts, don't feel like you are being left out, start to think about the things that you like to do and give him a few things to think about like going out with your girlfriends and letting your hair down or going and seeing someone you like in concert. It doesn't matter what/who it is even if he hates them, having your own tastes is fine, you don't have to like it but if you love someone enough then it is good that you have your own interests outside of you as a couple.
It all depends on how much it rules your lives though.
I would not feel put out, I would start to live my own life if it was me as I think why rebel against it, my ex is my ex for other reasons but his musical tastes have changed again but he still likes the heavier stuff but he has opened up his head to a lot of other music as well and so might your man.
Start to play your own music loud or get yourself an i-pod or something and try and switch off that way, tell him that he needs to get a pair of headphones as you can't stand headaches every day from the loud banging music and it is fine for him to play his music loud when your out and you the same but there has to be a compromise when your both at home. Get 2 stereo's or get individual players etc.
Do get more of your own interests though and don't always be the one sitting in at home. Tit for tat. Do you have any children together?
If you can get out, go do something, like salsa classes or someone you like doing as you will meet up with new people too or do Thai Chi or something, anything you really like doing and he will see that and think ooh she has a life outside of us too.
Don't seeth, just get busy instead.
It does depend on how the rest of your relationship is though and whether you still truly love one another and if this is just a small recent glitch or not.
Keep busy and keep active with things you enjoy doing.
Men don't always realise how us women get offended so just do some things for you instead right now.
Hope the above helps a little bit.
BFN
Country Woman
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2006): Compromise.
He will have to learn to compromise between your desires and his own, and vice versa. Tell him what you want and what you're willing to accept, and see how he responds. One thing not to do is disallow him to do the things he likes, but at the same time, you have to address your issues with him.
Try to open up more than 2 options that can be customizable. Having "no" or "yes" options are *not* a good start.
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