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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi guys. I have really been hurt by my in laws, especially my husband's sister. She called me recently and shouted at me that i should give my mother in law money and also my other husband's sister who is in school. I have always been doing my best as a daughter in law but they dont appreciate. And they always demand more and more. By the way my husband works outside the country and I am the one at home.so they have a notion that i have too much money for myself and i shoud give them as a right. I am in business and i have a daughter. I feel like i am choking. They want to know everything that goes on in our marrriage. What we have bought, when my husband is coming or going.and want to direct how much we should give to the family. Its too much for me. I have talked to my husband about it but it seems he is torn between me and them. The last time he confronted her sister abour it, it turned nasty and she became worse. How do i handle her? She is really causing me headaches and sleepless nights. Apparently her kids are with me for holidays. I feel like sending them back now. Help. My husband's sister is interfering. She is a single mother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys. Yu have really been so helpful. I am grateful. I feel stronger now and better able to stand my ground in a dignified manner.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I would make me not want to talk to my in-laws if I had some like yours! I'm so sorry.
When your husband is home next time, you TWO decide what you can afford to give them and stick to that. (if you even WANT to give them anything).
I agree that you need to try and stay above it, don't get into arguments and don't let them try and control you.
Saying no, we can't afford that - is quite OK.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): If I were you I would shy away from your in-laws, you have nothing to lose, you don't get alone with them that good anyways, I would never be home when they come by or never answer the phone when they call.
I would keep doing that until they get the message..OR... whenever they want money just tell them that you are running low in money and the little money I have I got to pay bills and better yet you don't have to explain anything to them, just tell them you do not have it and leave it like that, they'll soon get the message. I would give them the cold shoulder and maybe they'll get a job and stop begging.
Your in-laws are a pain in the butt. Be strong!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Be strong and assertive and dont give in to ur husbands famillies bullying .
U don't want to end up like my mom at 63 years old and her 83 year old mother in law still calls weekly asking for money . My advice to u is let ur husband deal with them. You married him and not his family, keep ur distance from them. Good luck .
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Your husband's sister is using you.
And the children are with you to force you to pay for their care, their food, the power and water and facilities they use all at your expense. I bet your sister in law contributes nothing. All you are doing is creating a situation where your single mother sister in law can live beyond her means at your expense.
AND you do not have to explain yourself to any one of your husband's relatives.
How long does your sister inlaw intend to leave her children with you?
The children have grandparents and each child has a father and other paternal and maternal relatives.
After you have had the children for a week then drive them back to their mother's home and if she is not home then deliver the children to the home of the grandparents.
Deliver the children safely and leave immediately. Do not discuss things then and there or it will become a argument. Tell the family that you will explain later, but that you have to go urgently.
When you get back tell her that you have other responsibilities to attend to. You do not have to explain what those things are. Suggest she share the load. Tell her that you were happy to have the children for one week and now she can make other arrangements.
Do not complain to the children. It is not their fault that their mother is selfish.
There is nothing respectful about people demanding money from you. And even taking into account cultural issues you are under no obligation to destablize your family and your business and your relationship with your husband in order to fund their lifestyle.
If you were not there then they would find another way to fund their needs.
Respect is a two way thing. They are not giving you respect.
Tell them that you and your husband will decide together what will be given and when and in the mean time protect you and your own assets and your own family from their demands.
Saying NO is OK. protect yourself and your family. It is NOT Ok to be treated as an Open Purse of Money for them to sponge on.
Until they can show you more respect only see them when your husband is with you to stand as a solid couple who will not be divided by your husband's sponging relatives.
Don't get into arguments. Remain dignified and say no. but don't then get into long explanations why.
explain that you would like to have a respectful relationship with all of them but while they speak to you so disrespectfully it is only natural that you will be forced to retreat from them while they continue to be so demanding and rude to you.
Remain dignified. Think of how someone (who you do respect) and how would they behave if placed in this difficult situation. I bet they would be tactful and respectful when they said the words NO (quietly and respectfully) since it is OK to say NO
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