A
female
age
36-40,
*irly4567
writes:Hello, I was having some marital problems and became frustrated after nothing changed. I got close to a very good male friend. Last summer, we began having an affair. He was everything I had dreamed of and I fell deeply in love with him. I loved him more than anyone I had ever loved before. In October, I went to an event that he hosted and I took a female friend with me. I never told her that I was involved with him because I was not yet ready to admit to having an extramarital affair. He ended up taking her number without me knowing and began speaking to her behind my back. However, to be fair to her, she never knew that we were involved. In December, she called me to ask me what kind of person he is because he invited her to hang out and she wanted to know more about him. My heart was crushed. This is the man I was preparing to leave my husband for because I fell so deeply in love with him. I called him angry at what I had heard and he hung up the phone on me. I sent him Whatsapp messages telling him how hurt and mad I was. I told him the f word and called him a narcissistic dog. He ignored all my messages. After day four of the silent treatment, I felt so overwhelmed with hurt that I gathered all the gifts he gave me and carried them back to his place. He wasn't at home at the time so when he came back home later that day, he saw the items in a bag on the porch. He then finally responded to me after giving me the silent treatment. He said not to f with him ever again in life and to delete his contact info. He then blocked me on whatsapp, calls and Facebook. It is now 3 weeks later and I am still blocked and he hasn't said a word to me. I am so hurt I do not know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2022): Maybe he realized getting involved with a married woman was a bad idea so he stopped it before it went any further and decided to find someone who was actually available. Time for you to move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2022): Never once have you said anything about your husband's needs and feelings - you also do not think about this other man's needs and feelings. For all he knows you were just wanting sex with him, lots of men fantasise about finding a horny wife who puts it about like a slag, does not charge, gives them a lot of pleasure and fun and all without love, promises and commitments. It should have occurred to you when he was eager to sleep with a wife that he did not want something serious. These guys who go with wives would do it with any woman who is easy, eager and does not charge, it does not mean they like you or care about you. But they may pretend they do so that you continue being generous with your body.
He is entitled to date anyone he wants to see, he does not need your permission and you cannot expect him to keep himself for when you can sneak away from husband.
Why do you assume he wanted you to leave husband? For all you know he just wanted to see you now and then when he needed sexual relief!
If this guy is good looking, normal and nice in others ways why would he get entangled with a married woman seriously when he can easily get a single woman without all of the hassle, problems and negatives that come with it?
It's clear he is far better off with your friend than you then.
You are the one who is unhappily married, you have no right to assume that another guy wants to take on the negatives that go with that. Or that they want you to leave hubby to be with them.
You were not going to see him to dump the gifts but to try to force him to explain himself, as if he owes you. He owes you nothing. Instead of going on at him and being spiteful and demanding towards him you still ignore your poor husband, the one who made commitments to you and spent years with you.
You have the wrong attitude and it is all wrong.
You are a very selfish and immature woman.
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A
female
reader, Girly4567 +, writes (7 January 2022):
Girly4567 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk. Thank you for your advice. I have taken it to heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2022): Nothing ! What could you / would to like to do, after he blocked you everywhere??This man does not want you, he made that pretty clear ,I think, and since it's 3 weeks since when you heard from him, I guess this is not just a temporary little tiff, - he decided to jump ship.So whatever attempt should you make to get him back, first it would be most probably just some humiliating waste of time , it would not work , second would put you in the sad and pathetic position of chasing after someone who actually prefers not being involved with you.Just thank your lucky stars that you did not actuly wreck your marriage because of what you may have considera a great love story, but he obviously was seeing like a NSA fling.As proven by the fact that as soon as you tried to attach a little string of esclusività, ...he bolted. Obviously he did not seek committment .And it is a good thing that you realized that, although in a rather brutal way, before talking to your husband , not after. Now ,I am sure your exover is a cad and a jerk and all the bad names you want, ..but alas, he has a point : unfortunately, as a married woman carrying on a secret affair ,..you were not in the right place to demand monogamy and località ( although, I agree that hitting on your own friend is a very calloni,unclassy move ).
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84  +, writes (7 January 2022):
Move on. This is a result of having an affair. You expected him to feel the same way about you as you did for him. Now you know he wasn't who you thought he was. You were the married one, not him so technically he wasn't doing anything wrong. He didn't cheat on you because he was single. You were the one cheating. It's absurd to think you have the right to insult him then turn up at his place unannounced and dump all his gifts on his doorstep. He doesn't owe you a conversation.
I hope you learn a lesson from this. Don't try to find something you're missing in your marriage in others outside of the marriage. It will only end in tears.
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