A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dont know where to start. Iv got a 15mth old and 11week old to my ex who walked out on me when i was 3 month pregnant. we would have minor arguments during pregnancy and he would walk out but and i would say dont come back (not meaning it) one day we had a row and he said he was going and left me when i was 3 months pregnant.He returned when baby was born and we both agreed we would work through things. he came one day to see us and he asked how i was and i said i was fine but tired as the baby he kept me up most of night he said i was manipulating him and stood up and walked out again. he has since changed his number and he hasnt been in touch about children. I miss him so much and so do his children does he miss us too? do you think he may come back to us? x
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female
reader, giggle` +, writes (7 December 2009):
Unfortunatly because you havent drawn the line between him being your partner and him being a dad, you are allowin him to do as he pleases. Firstly maintance does not make a father and yes although it would be nice if a man supported the children he creates it doesnt always work like that. Aslong as he is paying tax on his earnings then NO he is not breaking the law. By him being paid cash it prevents the csa from makin a deductions of earnings order, so very sneaky but not illegal. I hope that you manage to find peace not being with him, because you sound like a very loving forgivin woman who deserves very much better. And I am never one to say that a man should be removed from a childs life, but he has removed himself. Children need stability and their father is not providing that. You can not make him do whats right by his children, as wrong and unfair that it is. I can only suggest that you go through a family solicitor and get a letter wrote to his workplace offerin him regular, arranged access, if he refuses this then you will know you done your part in trying to give your chidren they're father. Then if he ever tries to enter your life again you can tell him he was offered a chance to be a parent and he choose not to. I hope you realise you are better than waiting for him to come back to you,please seperate your relationship with him and your kids relationship with him. Be strong, keep smiling!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 December 2009):
You must go to the citizen's advice. What his boss is going is illegal. Be strong for your kids. Believe me, they need one parent to be strong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto me and children :(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIv tried to go through csa but they cant take any money from him as his boss is his friend and he has started to pay him cash in hand! so im stuck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 December 2009):
I'm so sorry. He's being incredibly cruel to you and your children. I'm not sure he was ready to face fatherhood, and now he's being pathetic about it. I would really recommend you make an appointment with the citizen's advice (it's free), and ask about such things as maintenance. He is legally obligated to pay for his children. I don't think he will come back because to be honest he sounds quite pathetic and very heartless, but you can certainly make him pay for his kids. Go to this site.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk
and find out where your nearest citizen's advice is. Perhaps a trip to court will wake him up. You need to be tough for your children, who need their Dad. And a shock might wake him up.
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A
female
reader, giggle` +, writes (3 December 2009):
Firstly, do you really want him to come back to YOU and the kids or just back purely as a dad?
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