A
female
age
41-50,
*luegardenia
writes:I have been in a relationship with a guy for 2 and a half years, and I have recently been sent interstate for work. There is no definite time for us to live in the same city again, unless we go de-facto or marry (we are both in the military) We have had a few problems, including breaking up for 6 weeks last year which cancelled our posting together, but we really do love each other and want to work things out. The main issues are for me, his general laziness in life, a lack of commitment and my fear he will break my heart again, for him, my anxiety and insecurities. I want us to go de facto so we can definitely get a posting together, he feels we aren't ready. So my question is, should I bother with this, how will we ever be ready if we won't ever be in the same city and working things out long distance?
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 I tend to agree with your friend, it shouldn't be that hard. Motivational issues are something that many men have. Depending on how bad his are, you may consider giving a partial pass. Still, there has to be a willingness to compromise, or the relationship is doomed anyway.
See if the psychologist can help with your issues.
On a side note, I can't see military life agreeing with someone who doesn't like to be pushed or told to do things. Has that caused problems for him in that area of his life as well?
A
female
reader, bluegardenia +, writes (1 February 2011):
bluegardenia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering,
We are both working on issues we have, they just seem to be taking such a long time to work through. I'm just starting to give up hope! I'm seeing a psychologist about my issues, and he is trying to work on his motivational issues, he just doesn't like being pushed, or asked to do anything at all! My friends say it isn't meant to be this hard.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (31 January 2011):
Working things out long distance just doesn't work. You need to be together in order to deal with problems.
How is your communication? Are you both working on the issues you have with each other?
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