A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI have gone my separate ways from my on off boyfriend again. We don't live together, and he has recently started back to college as a mature student and he told me hes very stressed out and has loads going on around his head and has family issues, he said all this after I asked for more time together and I told him he seems to take this dislike to me and pushes me away every so often. He always has come crawling back.I think he might have a personality problem like bipolor and says the most hurtful things to me when hes like this after being really loving and attentive. Also I have tried to move on and I had a one night stand and every time the guy kissed me I felt like being sick and cant bare to be touched anymore by anyone else. I have had break ups before and I didnt feel that way and could move on. I really believed he was the one for me as hes right for me in so many ways and is a nice person when he isn't in one of these moods. A friend of his told me that hes very stubborn and set in his ways and he told me he met someone else but his friends dont believe this as they dont think he has anyone else and only said it to upset me and he will be back. He also admitted hes taking tablets that are making him lose his sex drive which Im wondering are they for depression or bipolor. Please help.
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (22 September 2016):
 I totally agree with CinyCares, things are never going to change. You sleeping with someone else, and not enjoying it, is not a true test to your love for your on/off boyfriend. Jumping into bed with someone else isn't going to help you move on. And moving on is what you need to do. Learn to respect yourself, then you'll find that others around you will treat you with the respect you deserve. Xx
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 September 2016):
 And even if he comes crawling back ? Then what ?
He'll just leave again, and then come back again, and then leave again... and this on/off merry-go-round will keep going.
You don't need our help, you can help yourself, if only you accept to open your eyes and see reality as it is and not as it should be.
This is what he is. This is what he does. This is how he treats you.
His " moods " are part of him. If only he were without these " moods " he would be the nicest boyfriend ever- same as, if my grandmother had wheels , she would be a wheelbarrow.
But, it is what it is, ergo my grandmother is not a wheelbarrow , and your ex is not a nice boyfriend.
Now , it can be that his awful behaviour is not really his fault, but a mental issue ( although, let me tell you, since when I am on DC I have become veeery skeptical about this sort of stuff, due to the huge quantity of posts talking about people who are just horrible and mean and selfish with the excuse of self-diagnosed, or never diagnosed, or imaginary ! " depressions " and
" personality disorders " ). But it's not that relevant even if it is a mental health issue, because he HAS it, and he is not curing it, or not curing it successfully.
So, whether he is a turd toward you, because he chose to be a turd, or because his illness makes him be a turd,... he stil is a turd and won't give you the kind of mutually caring, mutually respectful relationship that you want.
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