A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am seeing this guy, he is my first proper boyfriend and we have decided to have sex, should I tell him I am a virgin, or do you think this might put him off. He has had a lot of experience and I am scared incase he will be able to tell because I wont be very confident. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, WiredReds  +, writes (3 October 2008):
When engaging in sex, he'll find out anyways, and besides, if he knows you're a virgin, he'll be happier knowing that you are clean, unless you go around sharing needles, but i don't know you well enough.
A
male
reader, Mark25 +, writes (16 August 2008):
 If he cares for you it won't put him off. On the contrary he will be very pleased. So many girls lose their virginity from an early age. Being a virgin shows that you respect yourself and your body enough not to go sleeping around. Don't be scared. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Tell him. He won't be put off.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (16 August 2008):
NOT telling him is probably one of the worst things you could do. In fact - if he doesn't already know you're a virgin, I don't think you're really ready for sex. If you tell him and he doesn't have special respect and consideration for your virginity, and make a special effort to make it a truly enjoyable experience, he is not a good choice for your partner.
What led to your decision to add sex to your relationship? Do you know that for teen couples - even those who have been together for years - commonly break up shortly after adding sex to their relationship?
If you haven't started to discuss things like the significance of sex in a relationship, when is sex proper, expectations of sexual exclusivity, etc, you're not ready for a mature sexual relationship.
The satisfaction from most people's first sexual experience is almost never based on the physiological process (arousal, orgasm, etc) but rather on the mental and emotional aspects.
You will almost certainly be nervous, fumbling, inept, and ineffective. You will probably experience some pain, ranging from moderate discomfort to hurts-like-hell. (Rupturing your hymen is only part of it - there's a bunch of muscles that must be stretched open as your vagina envelopes his penis.) He will probably climax much too quickly - or he might go soft and be unable to finish, or even enter you. You probably won't have an orgasm from the intercourse. You will probably come out of it with a whole range of emotions you don't understand, and will think much differently about him. It will NOT, in the long run, increase the love either of you has for the other although in the short run you may feel VERY attached to him.
On the physiological side of things there's a lot you can do to make your first time more enjoyable.
If you two haven't spent some time in non-penetrative sexual lovemaking (including fondling, oral sex, petting, "outercourse", etc) you almost guarantee an embarrassing, fumbling, inept and painful (emotionally and physically) first experience. It takes anywhere from a few days to several months of shared nakedness, learning each other's responses, etc to make intercourse go well. I suggest that you start this learning and familiarization process before trying to have fully penetrative sex.
There is a LOT more about first-time sex in a recent thread called "I know it's said that size is not important but . . . " at [http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-know-its-said-that-size-is-not.html] and some old posts like "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, our first time was still very significant and meaningful to my wife and I! You might also look at what I wrote in the thread "First time - painful?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/first-time---painful.html ].
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): I agree with O Connor.
It's best you tell him.
He will more than likely be able to tell. Some guys prefer virgins and I'm sure if he really likes you he won't mind.
There will be a lot less pressure if you tell him.
And I'm sure he'll know to take it gently and make sure that you're ok.
Good Luck, Emivia. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): Like O'Connor said, plus I've heard it hurts, so he'll be gentle.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 August 2008):
 if i were you i would tell him. that way there wont be so much pressure on you and he will be understanding. if he is a decent guy then he will respect you being a virgin and make your first time that much more special.
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A
female
reader, marmajuke +, writes (16 August 2008):
 Yes absolutely tell him its essential, he will take it slow and be really kind! Plus guys love vigins, i dont know why i think they love being the first ones their like skiing over snow that has never been touched.... lol!! but deffinately tell him it will make your relationship better and you will trust each other more!!! good luck x
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