A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this really fit bloke who is outgoing, talented and really good looking, my problem is I don't know why he wants to go out with me, as I am shy, a bit boring and very preditable which he doesn't like. I know I am not his usual type, is he just interested in sex?He is very confident about the way he looks and I am not, I don't wear dresses or skirts because I know I don't suit them and when we go out I just think he wants to be with someone else because he can do better.
View related questions:
shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Mark25 +, writes (16 August 2008):
 In relationships it's the personality that counts. You say that you're the exact opposite of the things he likes. Maybe he wants someone different. Perhaps he's been disappointed by other girls and feels that you are a breath of fresh air. Reading your letter it's obvious that you're a really nice person, just a little bit shy. It's this that's probably attracted you to him. To be honest with you I don't like over confident women. Because I'm shy I feel uneasy around them. But I do like shy, quiet women. I don't think you're boring. In fact, I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. I certainly don't believe that he could better. So please don't think like that. You're as good as any girl. If you carry on with this negative view of yourself you will drive him away. At the moment he's chosen to be with you. Hold your head up high and know that you're as beautiful as anybody else. As for just wanting sex, take your time with the relationship. If he starts pressuring you for sex then you know that that's all he's after. If he genuinely likes you he'll wait until you say you feel ready. If he is just after sex then get rid of him. He'll do your already fragile confidence some serious damage. Don't let it knock you down. Get back out there and find someone who is worthy of you. I hope this helps you. Let me know what you think. If you need anymore advice don't be scared to ask. Write a follow up and let us know how things are. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (16 August 2008):
 I first want to tell you that you would suit dresses or skirts. You think you don't because of your negative self-body image. You have to realize that you're a beautiful person and that those who don't see it are just too blind.
Now, not everyone goes for looks when looking for a relationship. This guy may have just seen something in you that intrigued him so much to ask you out. Now, you say he's suposedly "can do better", so why did he choose you? Then that must mean you're better than anyone out there for him.
You asked if he's there for only the sex, but are you having a sexual relationship? If you don't then there's the answer, he's not there for the sex. And also, realize this, if it were only for the sex and you say he could do better, then why doesn't he go for the sluttier girls that are so more abundant? I'll tell you why: because he wants a serious relationship with a serious person. He doesn't want a piece of ass, he wants someone to share his feelings with. He wants you for you.
Now, it just makes me sad that you say he could do better. That is one of the biggest lies you could tell yourself. By just reading this, I can tell you're a sweet, caring girl, and I understand why he chose you. I understand why you think you are not fit for him (i feel that way too sometimes), but you also have to realize something: He is with you! If you weren't good enough for him, then he wouldn't be with you. As simple as that.
Now, there's also that small posibility that he's playing a cruel prank with you, but I highly doubt it. The reason is because you two are adults, and this kind of cruel pranks are only found in high school. Also, if he were to do this, he will end up being hated by many girls too, as this is just over the line. But don't worry about all of this, like I said, the chances for this to be true is extremely small.
Now just keep on building a relationship with him. Remember that he is with you despite the differences, but it's something real. Don't doubt his actions only because you feel inadequate, but doubt them on how he treats you and everyone around them.
Good luck in your relationship and I hope everything will be right for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, scorpio123  +, writes (16 August 2008):
 Hey,
You should stop being so hard on youself, learn to love yourself for who you are.
I'd say you're gorgeous you just aren't aware of it, and that's why this boy is into you! (:
Though you were wondering is he only looking for sex, well, if he asks for anything and you don't feel comfortable with it, say no, and see how he reacts.
From his reaction you should be able to tell if that's all he's in for or not.
Good luck I hope it works out for you xx
...............................
|
