A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting concerned about my sexual feelings for my wife, as I've been strongly attracted to a very attractive and wholesome woman at work, and I came to learn she feels the same as me, and she is also married. There has been no sex between us and there probably won't be as all the wrong conditions exist for this to happen, too much at risk, and yet I can't stop yearning for her. I have come to hate weekends because I miss her at work, and this is affecting my relationship with my wife. Sometimes I wish that I could be with this woman at work just once to get her out of my system. But would it solve the problem? Any suggestions? What can I do?
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Another female perspective I'm afraid - but here goes...
don't do it. If focusing on your marriage is what you really want this is not the answer!! Talk to your wife - even explain this "crush" and how scared/confused it has you....start communicating and being transparent yourself and maybe things can change with your wife. Give it a chance at least.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your advice and feedback - gave me alot to think about. This woman at work is very desirable but my marriage has to be addressed.
I find it interesting that no men responded to this question.
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 Hi there
Good thoughtful advice from the other posters. Twirly mentions that it could go one way or the other...a full blow affair or an embarressing awkward encounter and Mandy mentions how you would feel if your wife was thinking this way about another man.
You do not mention your age..a bit of the seven year itch thing. Work relationships can be enticing paticulary in some fields of work. It is possible at times to have more of a shared history with your colleagues as sometimes you actually spend more time with them. I have seen a number of affairs happen in my work life and at best they turned out with people being a bit akward with each other afterwards and at their worst with people getting really hurt. I cannot think of one where the things turned out well. I does not mean they do not...just nothing in my field of experience.
Sooo...I am going to join everyone else here and encourage you to look at the woman you married with fresh eyes. She may sense your diminishing interest in you and it may influence how she relates to you. Pay her that extra attention and see what happens. Remember the other gal is romantic ideal and your wife has shared lifes realities with you....big difference.
Are you really doing the woman at work any favours either? This could all be the forbidden fruit syndrome. You can drool over each other but know you both have to return to the real world when you leave your work premises. She is not probably the love of your life..this gal...just someone who is feeling similarly unhappy in her marriage right now. If it was not her it would be someone else.
Stay friendly and courteous with her but an encounter with her would no doubt give you nothing but grief. You may listen to what we all have told you...you may not but there you have it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Twirly  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 Hi There,
I think if you cross the line and have sex it will really change things but not necessarily for the good.
The probable outcome would be that you would either both feel guilty and awkward about it afterwards or you'd carry on into a full blown affair.
Either way it's not good especially as you work together, it could potentially jeapordise both your jobs, not to mention your marriages.
If you can resist then don't do it, for everyone's sake including yours!
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A
female
reader, Lily Moll +, writes (11 May 2008):
Sleeping with her once won't solve the problem, because the root of the problem is not that you're attracted to a woman at work; the root of the problem is at home, with your marriage. For whatever reason, there is something missing in your current relationship. Only you can tell what it is, but it must be something, because if nothing was wrong, you wouldn't be having these feelings. Sure, everyone is attracted to other people outside of their relationship, but the fact that you hate the weekends because you don't get to see her indicates that there is more going on here than the simple appreciation of someone else's looks and personality. If you want the feelings to go away, you have to figure out what is missing from your current relationship, and work on fixing that. Romance your wife. Take her out, make it special, send her love notes. Court her all over again. And as for the woman at work, turn a cold shoulder to her if that's what it takes to get her out of your head. She's not the answer, and she's not the one who matters here. You and your wife (and children if you have them) are the important ones in this story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): Hi Hunny
You could turn the situation around and imagine your wife is having these feeling about another man and finding it awfull to be with you because she cant get him out of her mind, Then think how you would feel...If there is no sign of hurt just at the thought that another man wants to put his hands on your wife and spend a wonderfull night pleasuring her in everyway possible then its time hunny to try and realise what has brought your marriage to this point that you are desiring another so much and either work on it with your wife or leaving her so she can at least find another to make her happy...Always put yourself in the other persons shoes before you do anything you will regret, The grass is not always greener on the other side, people involved will get hurt like a stone thrown into a pond it sends out ripples as we do when we make choices that affect others in life..I hope this helps a little TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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